TOP TEN BADASS BOTS
Call them what you will. Robots, androids, cyborgs, cylons. Technically, this list should be called Top Ten Sentient Man-Made Beings, but that doesn't quite have the same ring to it. Whatever you call them (nerds, debate), you can't argue with the simple fact that they're badass. They can be lean, mean machines of destruction, or as friendly as your childhood teddy bear. Personally, I don't trust the fuckers. While we hang tight and twiddle our thumbs until the robot apocalypse crushes the human race with fists of steel (and it will happen), here are a couple cinematic robots to pass the time:
10. Marvin.
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005).
So I'm really talking about the suicidal, sarcastic little bastard from Douglas Adam's books here. But the Alan Rickman voice is a little too perfect to pass up.
9. Number Six.
Battlestar Galactica (2004-2009).
Hottest. Robots. Ever.
8. Agent Smith.
The Matrix Trilogy (1999-2003)
So technically he's not a robot. Technically he's a "computer program". But shit, he's Hugo Weaving and he's badass.
7. Pris.
Blade Runner (1962).
I know I'm being a dick for putting two robot characters from the same movie in here, but c'mon. I needed some more Daryl Hannah in my life.
6. RoboCop.
RoboCop (1987).
The 14-year old boy in me is having a fangasm right now. But it's a really fucking good movie!
5. C-3PO/R2-D2.
The Star Wars Trilogy (1977-1983)*.
The world's greatest bot-mance.
4. Maria The Robot.
Metropolis (1927).
She's a classic. Literally. Like my dinosaur PC. But who doesn't love, as my girlfriend so eloquently puts it, her "sexy dance"?
3. HAL 9000.
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968).
Because everyone knows the line "What do you think you're doing, Dave?"
2. The Terminator.
The Terminator Franchise (1984-2009).
The Governator is a metal-boned BAMF who will take down anything in his way. End of story.
1. Roy Batty.
Blade Runner (1982).
What is it about Roy Batty? Probably the fact that he's not, in fact, much of a robot at all. He's depressingly human, and it's his soul that sells the movie, not his machinery.
And that's your nerdiness for the day. Since really excellent robot movies seem far and few between, any recommendations are more than welcome. Except Transformers. I'm sorry, that is one acid trip the 14-year old boy in me refuses to take.
*The prequels don't exist. Don't even try to convince me otherwise.
Awesome awesome awesome! I love robots/cyborgs/AI programs in all forms, and I dig these guys/gals/things!
ReplyDeleteFor good movie robots, I recommend Colossus: The Forbin Project (it's more of a supercomputer, but totally badass). I also like the ones in the Alien series. Runaway with Tom Selleck is a really fun one about servant robots who start attacking humans. Plus it's got Gene Simmons!
I'm a Cyborg But That's OK is an offbeat Korean romance/drama/comedy from Park Chan-Wook. No one is actually a robot but there are some great robotic fantasy sequences.
There's Bruce Dern's robot buddies in Silent Running (who served as an inspiration for MST3K, which also features some excellent bots). Westworld has an amazing robot villain. And there's the iconic Gort in The Day The Earth Stood Still...
Awesome, awesome list!
ReplyDeleteThe Ter-miNATOR, HAL, Roy; a tremendous Top 3! Your captions are hilarious. Well-done post!
Very nicely done!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your choices, the Terminator, HAL, Maria etc... All classics, great choices!
@ Alex--Wow, nice long comment! My favorite kind! Artificial intelligence--that's one name I missed. There's just so many of them!
ReplyDeleteDude. Amazing list. I've suddenly got more robot movies than I know what to do with! I will certainly check them out--I'm all for super computers (The Lawnmower Man cracks me the fuck up every time), and robot servants revolting sound awesome! Plus, Gene Simmons. Ftw. Alien, I swear to god, I'll get to. One of these days.
I'm A Cyborg But That's OK? I think I have to check that one out purely for the title. And the rest sound lovely! Thank you SO much for all the recommendations--my life will be filled with mechanical goodness for a good long time now.
@ Matthew--Thanks, Matthew! They're definitely all epic robots, and there was no way I couldn't have them in the top three! Glad you enjoyed the captions!
ReplyDelete@ Jack L--I have to agree--they're definitely classics! I'm glad you approve of the choices! Thanks for the comment!
Love this botalicious list. Some of my all time faves for sure. Alex gave you some great, great choices, too. In film I loved I, Robot with Will Smith. On television, Lexa Doig as Andromeda in the series of the same name was great as well as the wise-cracking, hard-drinking Bender in Futurama. I know he's a cartoon, but he kills me.
ReplyDeleteBotalicious! You score mad points just for the use of that word. I've seen I, Robot, but a loooong time ago. I'm definitely going to have to rewatch that one eventually, though. Andromeda I'm not sure if I've even heard of, but I have seen Futurama a couple times and it made me chuckle. Cartoons are the shit--Family Guy and Archer personally do it for me.
ReplyDelete'Whatever you call them (nerds, debate)' - LOL!
ReplyDeleteI'll go for Holly, the computer program/machine thing from Red Dwarf for 200, Alex.
Bwahaha! I'm glad you found that amusing!
ReplyDeleteAnd that's the second time someone's mentioned Red Dwarf to me in my recent history. I feel like it must be a sign.
Remember that Sci-Fi film class I took? I wrote an entire paper about how Roy Batty's final redemption before his death wasn't actually redemptive, and, and, and... must find and show you.
ReplyDeletexoxo I love you. Thanks for the shoutout! Can't deny the sexy dance. WHERE IS THE LINK??
I know! I still envy you for being able to write a fucking paper on that movie. Damn you and your awesome!
ReplyDeletexoxo! I love you too! And good call, I should so find a sexy dance link...
I think Wall-E is still my fav robot beside R2D2 :) but they are not naughty as the ones you prefer :P
ReplyDeleteHow do you feel about the announced remake of ROBOCOP?
I was actually surprised I didn't get more Wall-E supporters wagging their fingers at me for not putting him on the list! He's cool, and carries an important message about technology, but you're right, I like my robots naughty. And R2D2 is always the shit.
ReplyDeleteRobocop is one of those movies that's only good because it's a stupid 80s movie. Because, conceptually? The idea is kind of as silly and ridiculous as the aforementioned Transformers. It worked because it was the 80s and they could get away with it, plus it had much more swearing and gore than anticipating. In short, remaking it is retarded.
Great site you have here! We just started following you.
ReplyDeleteAlso: Awesome list! Happy to see Robocop and Roy Batty on there.
Thanks! I always love getting introduced to new peeps!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm glad you liked the list! Robocop and Roy Batty are just BAMFs, pure and simple.
Does Nikola Tesla count?
ReplyDeleteI like to think he does.
We'll say yes? Just for a Coffee and Cigarettes reference.
ReplyDelete