And More White People.

TRAILER: WORLD WAR Z (2013)

Believe it or not, every now and then, I do actually pick up a book without pictures. In the quasi-recent past, one of those books was World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, penned by Max Brooks. And I loved that book. Loved the shit out of it. Made everyone I know read it, including my impossibly tolerant mother. Here's why World War Z rocked: it wasn't just a zombie book. Naturally, the living dead would have been enough to completely satisfy me. But what really made this book stand out from the rest was the fact that it was, more or less, a hypothetical, sociopolitical study of how different cultures would react to the end of the world. Completely fictional and, at points, mildly ridiculous (remember the Samurai?), but it was fascinating, imaginative, and different. 

At least, it was. Until the movie caught on. And maybe I'm jumping the gun. Hell, the movie hasn't even come out yet. But it's its anything like the trailer, it looks to me like more #whitepeopleproblems. Because, clearly, we do not have enough movies about nuclear, all-American white families with first world issues.

Like, O.M.G. Gag me with a spoon.

Really, this movie would've been a lot more dynamic if they'd just done "Bradgelina & Children Fight Zombies." They've got one from each country, right?

In short: this trailer better be misleading as hell, or I'm gonna be pissed.

"Put It On Your Google Calendar."

THE CODE (2011)

The Code movie poster.

Today is the day for much badassitry! First off, I hit 50 followers. Which might sound like chicken feed to most of you, but for me, it's warms my armor-clad heart to know there are so many badasses out there, who have been oh-so-good to me and who I will all count on to line up behind with with a weapon of choice when the Mayan zombies come (I call crossbow). And so, since I'd like you guys to have my back when those brain munchers go for my skull, I have to give a shout-out to my 50th follower--Rojo's Film Reviews!--who have found an excellent way to spice up the marriage bed...competitive movie reviews! Check them out, they're good fun. 

Speaking of zombies! I have to call in the second order of badassitry today. Just yesterday, I was contacted by actor Taylor Brandt, who requested that I take a look at his short film, The Code (2011), which won the Splatterfest Festival in Houston. I'd been both looking forward to and dreading the day when I would get a personal appeal for a review--after all, no one wants to be that reviewer to have to rip apart a film that goes out of its way to make itself known to you. Luckily, I didn't have to suffer that dilemma--The Code was badass all on its own. The Code is a short, 6 minute horror-comedy (horcom?) that contemplates the age old question--when you throw two human victims at a bunch of movie monsters, who gets the first bite?

The killer cast of characters includes a slew of flesh-eating zombies, a slasher villain, a vampire, and, of course, Bigfoot. Only this time the zombies are the more logical-minded "in the know" bunch, the slasher villain whines when he doesn't get his way, the vampire is too elusively goth for anyone to care, and Bigfoot is...well. Bigfoot. Not to mention the unfortunate picnicking human couple who end up at the top of the menu (one of them is a porn star...you have two guesses to figure out which one). The banter between the leader zombie, Shaun, and the slasher villain, Carl, while they argue over whose day of the week it is to kill is hilarious and, thanks to the short running time, doesn't overstay its welcome.

Past the half-brain jokes and blood seeping jaws, the real draw of this short for me was, of course, my ultimate weakness. My kryptonite. A beautiful woman with a baby doll smile who wields a lethal weapon with ease. None other than the classy and vicious Vanna Helsing who completely steals the third act from the undead jaws of the other players in a brilliantly executed twist. I could've watched her beat the shit out of Hollywood horrors for another 30 minutes without getting tired of her swagger. In short: yes, Vanna Helsing, I am enjoying this as much as you are.

Catch the short yourself on funnyordie here.

Will Return To The Land Of The Living...

...When the Walking Dead stops being so fucking awesome.

5 Reasons Why The Walking Dead Dead Is Better Than You.

THE WALKING DEAD (2010)

Braaaaains!

Alright. I tried to avoid talking about TV shows, I did. But this one really does deserve a mention. If you like guns, gore, and zombies, this really is one you shouldn't miss. I've been religiously addicted ever since I saw the most badass trailer in trailer history. In my opinion, it's hands down the best TV show of the season, and possibly one of my all time favorites. And so, in no particular order, here's my top five reasons why The Walking Dead is better than you:

Now That's What I'm Talking About

TRAILER: The Walking Dead

A Zombie TV series? There is a God. And his name is AMC. If you haven't seen the trailer for The Walking Dead, watch it now. And then pause, drink in the baddassitry that was what you just witnessed, and watch it another ten times. The plot line is incredible, the zombies are scary as shit, and the characters look really well drawn. I don't know why no one thought to do a zombie series like this sooner. There's really an unlimited amount of material and character development that you can play with in a zombie movie, since it brings so many different people together just trying to survive. The cast looks just plain amazing. How good is it, you might ask? The first episode hasn't aired and they've already got it booked for another season. Yeah. It's that good. I know where I'm going to be Halloween night.