"Put It On Your Google Calendar."

THE CODE (2011)

The Code movie poster.

Today is the day for much badassitry! First off, I hit 50 followers. Which might sound like chicken feed to most of you, but for me, it's warms my armor-clad heart to know there are so many badasses out there, who have been oh-so-good to me and who I will all count on to line up behind with with a weapon of choice when the Mayan zombies come (I call crossbow). And so, since I'd like you guys to have my back when those brain munchers go for my skull, I have to give a shout-out to my 50th follower--Rojo's Film Reviews!--who have found an excellent way to spice up the marriage bed...competitive movie reviews! Check them out, they're good fun. 

Speaking of zombies! I have to call in the second order of badassitry today. Just yesterday, I was contacted by actor Taylor Brandt, who requested that I take a look at his short film, The Code (2011), which won the Splatterfest Festival in Houston. I'd been both looking forward to and dreading the day when I would get a personal appeal for a review--after all, no one wants to be that reviewer to have to rip apart a film that goes out of its way to make itself known to you. Luckily, I didn't have to suffer that dilemma--The Code was badass all on its own. The Code is a short, 6 minute horror-comedy (horcom?) that contemplates the age old question--when you throw two human victims at a bunch of movie monsters, who gets the first bite?

The killer cast of characters includes a slew of flesh-eating zombies, a slasher villain, a vampire, and, of course, Bigfoot. Only this time the zombies are the more logical-minded "in the know" bunch, the slasher villain whines when he doesn't get his way, the vampire is too elusively goth for anyone to care, and Bigfoot is...well. Bigfoot. Not to mention the unfortunate picnicking human couple who end up at the top of the menu (one of them is a porn star...you have two guesses to figure out which one). The banter between the leader zombie, Shaun, and the slasher villain, Carl, while they argue over whose day of the week it is to kill is hilarious and, thanks to the short running time, doesn't overstay its welcome.

Past the half-brain jokes and blood seeping jaws, the real draw of this short for me was, of course, my ultimate weakness. My kryptonite. A beautiful woman with a baby doll smile who wields a lethal weapon with ease. None other than the classy and vicious Vanna Helsing who completely steals the third act from the undead jaws of the other players in a brilliantly executed twist. I could've watched her beat the shit out of Hollywood horrors for another 30 minutes without getting tired of her swagger. In short: yes, Vanna Helsing, I am enjoying this as much as you are.

Catch the short yourself on funnyordie here.