1.21.2012

"You Shouldn't Think Of Her As A Woman."

HAYWIRE (2012)
Run, Forrest, run!
"You shouldn't think of her as a woman. That would be a mistake" is the way Ewan McGregor sweet talks the freelance spy Michael Fassbender into double-crossing the force of nature, Gina Carano. Yet I couldn't ignore the fact that Gina Carano was a no nonsense, ass-kicking action heroine, and it had nothing to do with her body (well...90% not to do with her body). It's no secret that I have a soft spot for badass chicks, so when I saw the trailer for Haywire, I prayed to Chuck Norris that it would deliver. And, oh. It motherfucking delivered. And then some. Haywire was not only a movie about a badass woman...it was just a badass movie all around. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011) did the slightly-too-slow building espionage thriller (thriller? Can I even call it a thriller when the thrill took so long?), Drive (2011) did artsy action film (action film? Can I even call it an action film when the majority of the action happened in the first five minutes?), and while both were awesome, neither really stabbed me in the heart and sunk it in to the hilt for me. Haywire was neither too hot nor too cold--it was just as badass as it needed to be. 

Being a BAMF.
Let's start with the beating, bloody heart of it: Gina Carano. Gina Carano is an action heroine with a gritty integrity that we haven't seen since the Bruce Lees and the Arnold Schwarzeneggers and the Jean-Claude Van Dammes of the 70s and 80s. She's a mixed martial arts fighter first, an actor second. Which means, in short, that she's not your stick figure action hero woman--this woman has enough meat and muscle on her to actually look the part. You would not want to get in a bar fight with her. Up until Haywire, she'd only been in a handful of tv movies, but she'd mainly been focusing all of her energies on kicking ass. And it pays off. Eat your heart out, Zoe Bell. Granted, the role of hardass tough guy doesn't quite need a woman with a large acting range. But who ever complained that Arnold just didn't bring enough tears into Predator (1987)? The beauty of the role is that Gina Carano is an actress with no baggage and she slips into Mallory's skin seamlessly and effortlessly. 

Speaking of Mallory. One of the great things about Mallory is that, yes, she is a ruthless, professional spy. But she isn't James Bond. She doesn't blindly throw herself out of a window without any idea of where it might lead. Instead, she has moments where she'll be mid-action and she'll actually stop for a couple seconds just to look around her, take in her situation, and plot her next move. It just so happens that her next move might include throwing herself out a window...but she knows where she'll land. She's impulsive, but she's well-trained, and she easily adapts to wiggle out of every corner she gets boxed into.

Aerial ass-kickery.
As for her wiggling, the fight scenes were fantastic. Really. Did I mention this woman kicks fucking ass? The action is just brilliant. The best part about it is that it's stripped down naked. We don't get slow motion fist-collisions, we don't get that shaky camera that leaves you trying to figure out who hit what. They barely even bother with quick-cuts into different camera angles. Instead, they keep us exactly where we need to be--in the middle of the action. Right alongside Mallory. This isn't to say Steven Soderbergh doesn't have a few tricks up his sleeve. The way he filmed each action sequence was definitely unique, but in a nice, subtle way. Example, one of the most tense fight scenes happens on a beach where most of the hard physical blows are drowned out under the sound of the water breaking on the shore. So yes, there is a degree of artsy aesthetics to this movie, but not so much that it ever takes away from what the movie is at its core--a heart-pounding, violence laden action movie. 

Can haz be in Fassbender's shoes?
Even Mallory's male posse fails to distract from the action of the movie. In any other female action hero flick, there's almost always the handsome hunk who leads us astray with a dull and lifeless plot line that we only put up with so we can see the female lead take off her clothes. They do it in male lead action movies too, with a tedious and ill conceived romantic plot aimed to heighten the stakes or some bullshit. My rule? If I wanted to watch romance, I would've let my better half pick the movie tonight. And with a movie like Haywire, filled to the teeth with tasty hunks of man flesh, it's tempting to throw in the cheap romantic subplot. And Haywire isn't entirely off the hook in this regard. But when it's done, it's done. It's subtle, it's tasteful, and (thank god) short lived. And considering the amount of sexual chemistry between the two (or should I say lack thereof), it might as well be classified more as a bromance than any real romance. There is no real sexual distraction in this movie. Even during the bit where Mallory and Michael Fassbender pretend to be arm candy in the classic newlyweds play, there is no genuine sexual chemistry. Are there a good couple sexual plays during the fight scene? She wraps her thighs around his throat, you fill in the blanks. But between the characters themselves? They're both exceedingly professional and don't even bother with batting eyes at each other. Which tells us something about Mallory--papa didn't raise no foo'.

I don't think I need to tell you that all the other actors hold their own. I mean, c'mon. Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender. They have it written in their contracts that they must be badass at all times. The only one I was a little worried was Channing Tatum since I know nothing about him except that he made a bunch of bad movies geared to 14 year old girls with friendship bracelets, but he held his own with the rest of them. Everyone delivered. And they all (more or less) did their own fight scenes. Rock the fuck on. 

It's a simple, clear cut, well done action movie. The acting is great. The exposition is great. The pacing is great. Honestly, my only complaint about Haywire was that there wasn't enough of it. Haywire II, anyone? I've even got a title for you: Haywire II: Revenge Of The Moose. You know you want it. 

40 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, I'll have to wait another week to see this, but I'm really looking forward to it, since I'm a huge Soderberg fan, plus the positive feedback so far makes me even more optimistic. Wonderful review!

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  2. The weather kept inside this weekend, but I am so there tomorrow. Killer fucking review! I want G to see this one, too, hell every girl should see this. I am so sick of cannon fodder romance-y chicks and skinny bitches who look like a good punch would break them faster than smashing a glass vase on concrete. Both of these types end up either being rescued by the guys or having the best knockout left to the guys because well, the director couldn't bear to have the woman actually kick ass. Rock on Steve Soderbergh and hell to the yeah I want Haywire II.

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  3. I am so fucking excited for this movie, even more so after your review! I am in a constant state of needing decent female action heroines and it's so rare any of them really deliver. I'm really happy to hear things don't get bogged down with stupid romantic subplots, I hate when that happens!

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  4. @ Nebular--Thanks! I was honestly so blown away by the premise and the cast list previous to seeing it that I barely had time to collect my praise for Soderberg. But I think he really does deliver a solid action movie here, with subtle adjustments to the genre that make it even better. He deserves a hell of a lot of praise for this one.

    @ Melissa--With our epic countdown, I can't wait for you to see this one and hear what you think! And what G thinks, I have much faith that that little girl will grown up to be the president with all these badass empowered women heroes in her life. I did a bit of snooping around interviews and such for this one, and all the men talk about how they weren't afraid to throw her around because they knew they couldn't hurt her. Like...when you put a woman who can actually do this shit into the movie, the audience believes it, her costars believe it, the movie just works on so many more levels.

    @ Alex--Thanks! I really can't wait to hear what everyone else has to say about it! I agree with you--the more action heroines, the better. I might be leading everyone SLIGHTLY astray...there is A romantic subplot. And it definitely exists. But they treat it like what it is...a small, minor subplot that doesn't really have all that much consequence in Mallory's life, because she's too badass to get hung up over that shit.

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  5. Yes! I saw Channing Tatum on Jimmy Kimmel and he said "man, she cornrows that hair and it's on." I loved it! Ewan said you could tell she was a real fighter because she altered her stances and a look came in her eyes.

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  6. HAHAHA! It's so true! THe cornrows are the shit. End of story. Her fight scenes are...well. Just plain epic. That's all there is to it. I can't even try to describe them, you just have to see it for yourself.

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  7. I'm glad, bro! I'm excited to see what you think about it!

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  8. Great review!

    Happy to see it lived up to your expectations! Will be seeing it today! Will get back to you with my thoughts.

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  9. Thanks! It most definitely did. I'll be waiting with bated breath to see what you have to say about it!

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  10. Just watched it: Excellent film! The music and fight scenes were top-notch. Hopefully Gina Carano makes more movies like this!

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  11. Excellent! I'm glad you agree! I really agree--she better become a legit action movie star now. I am counting on it.

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  12. Hope so too! Maybe they can team her up with Statham and they could play Cops (or renegade cops more like it...Haha) who bust heads!

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  13. Dude. Carano and Statham...being badasses...my head would explode. I need this in my life now.

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  14. Fucking hell! I had this on my radar for some time, but I found out it's not playing, and won't be receiving a theatrical release in my country. Which means I'll have to wait months for a DVD. Shit, fuck! Anyway, I'm even more psyched about it after reading the review.

    You mentioned Channing Tatum... I haven't seen him in many films (since I'm not a 14 year old girl with a friendship bracelet) but I've seen "The Eagle" - and the man can act. Even my uncle, who hasn't got a clue about Tatum or his teen-movie past (so he's not biased) said: "Who's this guy? He's good!" He's not award winning material, but given the right roles, he can be pretty awesome.

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  15. Goddamn! That would be my reaction if the movie wasn't playing near me. That blows, homie! Here's to hoping the DVD at least comes soon. And least you'll be able to get psyched about it, and then you'll forget about it for a little while so the hype factor can die off, and then when it finally comes out on DVD it will be the ultimate viewing experience. True story.

    I haven't seen the Eagle, but I approve of the Romans, so maybe I should. I don't think I've seen the man ever before this movie, so 14 year old girl rumors aside I had zero idea what to expect from him. And...dude delivered. So he's definitely on my radar now.

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  16. Was quite worried about Haywire being a hit-and-miss situation, but all the positive words from you has definitely gotten me more amped for it - shall check it out at some point!

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  17. I'm glad! If nothing else, it's definitely worth a watch, if just for the stellar cast and...Gina Carano.

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  18. Read that Gina Carano is making a new action flick soon! It is called In The Blood. She is out for revenge after someone kills her husband.

    Should be a blast!

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  19. THIS. So much this. A Gina Carano revenge action flick? Be still, my beating heart. Best news I've heard all day!

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  20. Second Haywire countdown begins...now!

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