Upcoming Attractions: 2012


Everyone here? Checking...one...two...no one dead yet? No Mayan zombies walking the earth? Okay, good. In that case, here's a couple movies I need to see before those undead Mesoamerican bastards start breaking skulls.

Contraband (January 13th): What can I say? I have a soft spot for Marky Mark. And it just looks like a shit ton of fun. I'll check it out.

Haywire (January 20th): There is currently nothing greater than my excitement for this movie.

Red Tails (January 20th): As a die-hard fan of Star Wars, the Original Trilogy, I'll be the first to say it: fuck George Lucas.

The Grey (January 27th): To be brutally honest, I probably won't be spending money for this one. Even if he has a kickass knuckle weapon. But I love Liam Neeson, so. Represent.

Man On A Ledge (January 27th): What can I say? This looks good like Phone Booth (2002) was good--over the top ridiculous, but a genuinely enjoyable rainy day action flick.

Safe House (February 10th): So I have a very hard time taking Ryan Reynolds seriously. However. I'm liking the concept of Denzel Washington as a creepy, psychopathic bastard. I'm intrigued.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D (February 10th): Never before have I been so convinced that the devil existed, because only he would be sadistic enough to put all the things in this world I hate in one flaming bag of crap. Faith in humanity plummeting.

Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance (February 17th): So...here's there thing. I hated the first one. I regret spending money for it. And for that reason, I'm not going to see this in theaters. However...I will admit it. This look 100 times better than the first one. And after seeing the directors talk about it at Comic Con...well. They hated the first one too, which is why they decided to take over the franchise. Their heart's in the right place, I'll give them that. I probably still won't see it, though.

The Hunger Games (March 23rd): Since this book is aimed for morbid 13 year olds, I checked it out. It's basically a tame version of Battle Royale (2000). With an edge of futuristic dystopian badassitry. And Woody Harrelson. Which means I'm there.

Wrath Of The Titans (March 30th): Another Worthington action movie? Yep. It's going to suck. And yep, I'll be there to watch it suck.

The Cabin In The Woods (April 13th): If Joss Whedon wrote a movie based off the Oxford English Dictionary, I would see it. So. I'll be seeing this bitch.

MS One: Maximum Security (April 20th): So ever since Lost, I will never be able to take Maggie Grace seriously. Luckily, this movie begs not to be taken seriously, which is really major draw of it.

Safe (April 27th): I will repeat what I said to Ty after he informed me of this trailer: GOD FUCKING DAMN. Jason Statham can do no very little wrong.

The Avengers (May 4th): Everyone and their mothers are seeing this movie. So yeah. This one.

Prometheus (June 8th): I think this trailer just got me pregnant.

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20th): Batman is cool. But Batman has never been quite this cool. I swear, every time they make another movie, this franchise just keeps getting better. You rock on with your bad self,  Patrick Bateman.

The Expendables 2 (August 17th): Without a doubt, my masochistic movie of the year.

The Gangster Squad (October 19th): Between the cast, the description, and the title alone...I'm already weak in the knees for some good old fashioned gangster action.

Skyfall (November 9th): Hyperventilation commences...

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (December 14th): ...Am I supposed to have shooting pains up my left arm or...?

Django Unchained (December 25th): ...Okay...someone call a doctor...or Winston The Wolf...

Basically...I'm just going to set up a tent and Occupy my movie theater. This year is going to be so. Fucking. Badass.


  1. The Cabin in the Woods is high on my list!

  2. It's funny, I was completely unaware of its existence until I was working on creating this list, and now that I know about it I'm so pumped! Everything Whedon touches turns to gold.

  3. I'm with you on these, every damned one. I think our film taste split off from the same zygote or whatever. I am so pumped for Haywire, I'm unemployed right and willing to sell my blood to see it. And you are so right about Whedon, he is gold as far as I'm concerned.

  4. I think so! We should just swap movies and call it even. I think Haywire would be worth a vampire amount of blood. My excitement. Can't even.

    Whedon = God. That is all.


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