"2,500 Tons of Awesome."

PACIFIC RIM (2013)

Image from eonline.com.

It goes without saying that, from day one, I was drooling over this movie like Tarantino at a shoe store. Big, massive aliens from the sea fighting mechanical powerhouses of destruction. Sold. Aliens and robots are pretty much my favorite thing (with cowboys and aliens coming in as a close second, tied only by mobsters and robots--if that isn't a movie, it needs to be created), so I was really, really easy to please. 

But no. They couldn't stop there. They couldn't just give me an awesome movie filled with bone-crunshing punches and shrill, otherworldly screams. No, they had to also build an intricate universe, sprinkled with moments of quirky humor and lovable characters.

You guys. It's looking like Christmas sure as hell came early for me this summer. 

There were, of course, a couple things that stood out to me that I've got to mention. So, with that, here are five reasons why Pacific Rim has officially set the summer blockbuster bar high. 

1. Not a Bolt Out of Place

ROBOTS.

Normally, I'm something of a sensitive movie-goer. I'm not the biggest fan of 3D and all those...gizmos and gadgets. So the fact that I saw this in IMAX 3D should have been a problem for me. But it wasn't. I barely noticed the 3D aspects of it. Now, to people who enjoy the shit-popping-out-at-your-face bit, that might be a problem. To me? It worked perfectly. 

But it's more than just the 3D. Occasionally, when you see a movie that's about 95% CGI, it shows. You can tell when the actors are talking to blank, green space. You can tell when something just doesn't feel right. Even if the CGI looks spot on, there will sometimes be that disconnect, that fabricated feeling. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the actors had such a deep respect and connection to their CGI robot machine-suits, but somehow, the CGI felt completely natural to me. It was organic to the world and flowed seamlessly through the film. A+ to the nerds who worked on that one. 

2. Drifting

Image from http://www.slate.com.

Can we talk for a second about how awesome drifting is? A mental brain-connection between two people and a machine. C'mon. That's fucking awesome. In fact, all the world-building details of this story were awesome. Everything from drifting to the wall they tried to build to the various different Jaeger models and their human teams (can I have a movie solely about the Russians now?). I am going to be very, very sad when sci-fi goes back out of style. Like, borderline depressed. Mark my words.

3. Idris Elba

Just stop with your awesome, Mumbles.

Let me count the ways I love this man. I will follow him to the Apocalypse. And then watch him cancel that shit. I was probably the most invested in his character, simply because he was exactly the kind of over-the-top character that fit so perfectly into the texture of the world. Not to mention, his character was hard and direct when he had to be hard and direct, yet was able to inspire anyone to action with only a few precise words. You go, Idris Elba. 

4. Everyone Else

Image from http://www.nerdist.com.

What can I say? The acting was good. Charlie Hunnam--who you have to love for his subtle fuck you faces if nothing else--it turns out is great on and off the motorcycle. He's turning out to be a surprisingly versatile actor and I'm looking forward to seeing more of his face. His counterpart, Rinko Kikuchi, was everything she needed to be--wide-eyed, inquisitive, and somehow simultaneously bold and timid. 

5. The Newton's Cradle

Just because I can't get enough of these two.

More than the acting, the writing was good. Which, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't expecting. No, they're not going to win an Oscar for best screenplay anytime soon, but it was fun. It was more than a couple machismo-enfused one-liners. It was campy at times (moments which Charlie Day and Ron Perlman pulled off brilliantly), powerful and ribcage-expanding at times (all signs lead to Idris Elba), and even unexpected at times--some of my favorite moments involved the brief, still silences in which a seagull took flight or a Newton's cradle began to click in the middle of a city-crushing fight. The script knew it was a shameless, campy movie and ran with it--it didn't try to make it bigger than it was, it didn't set the audience up for a plethora of increasingly bad sequels (though I wouldn't be surprised if they happened anyway). The film never took itself too seriously while simultaneously giving the plot the epicness it deserved which, at the end of the day, what exactly what won me over. 

DINOSAURS, BITCHES.

JURASSIC PARK (1993)

"Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth."

Let's get one thing straight. Dinosaurs are badass. If you don't think dinosaurs are badass, you need to get an MRI pronto because chances are, you have a large parasite eating away at the part of your brain that differentiates badass from Justin Bieber. With that said, Jurassic Park could have easily been cool without even trying. They could've slapped a couple CGI creatures in there, and then slapped a couple hundred more flying little digital splashes of color and called it a day. Because that's how movies are made, right?

Image from www.filmofilia.com

Wrong. Jurassic Park is how movies are made. Or at least, how movies should be made. No matter how many times I've seen it, I have yet to find a single fucking flaw in the thing. When I say it's a flawless movie, I mean it's a motherfucking flawless movie. So flawless that I had to review it twice because I just couldn't contain my feelings. It is better or worse in 3D? Meh. As an avid 3D disparager, I actually didn't mind it in 3D this time around. Why? Well, because it's Jurassic Park on the big screen. They could've had those irritating television popup ads on the bottom corner of the screen every five minutes and I still would've enjoyed the shit out of it. 

What makes this movie a timeless classic is this: it brings out the child in us. And I don't mean the child who wants to go see animated spy hamsters roll around for an hour an a half (guilty as charged). I mean that feeling of absolute wonderment we get when we see something for the first time. That unbridled curiosity, the desire to know, to feel, to touch, to jump out of a moving car because hell, if the animals won't come to us, we'll go to them. Really, it's a filmmaker's wet dream, the ability to capture the essence of filmmaking in one solid film. You want to wow me, give me dinosaurs, give me lovable characters, give me a score that I can feel expand in my ribcage. 

Image from businessinsider.com.

The brilliant thing is, Jurassic Park is about so much more than dinosaurs. It's about Dr. Alan Grant, played by you'll-never-get-a-better-role Sam Neill, who finds something in him capable of change, of evolution. It's about Dr. Ellie Sattler, played by you'll-really-never-get-a-better-role Laura Dern, who constantly challenges male hierarchy and, more often than not, beats them at their own game. Can I get a holla for a badass female character who doesn't have to hide her femininity or the fact that her biological clock is ticking to be considered a "badass?" Jurassic Park is about Dr. Ian Malcolm (you'll-never-be-hotter Jeff Goldblum), who constantly warns the heroes of the chaos to come but doesn't get to say I-told-you-so until it's far too late. More than anything, however, this movie is about motherfucking John Hammond (thank-you-for-your-awesome-face Richard Attenborough), who you love, then hate, then love some more, because he's flawed to his core but hell, at the end of the day, we can't really blame him.

Of course, I have to give a shout out to my favorite people in film: the minor characters. Those who doesn't get half as much love as they should because at the end of the day, they're the shoulders the heroes stand on to get to the finish line. First, we've got a rebellion-son subplot which, honestly, didn't need to be there, but hell, the 90s were good to Wayne Knight. So sure, the storm could've come through and ripped out the security systems and let all the dinosaurs loose, but that wouldn't have been half as fun, nor would it have been half as human, to watch Dennis bumble around and taunt a small, curious, and--dare we say--sassy dilophosaurus. Then we've got the two grandkids, Tim and Lex Murphy, who just had Steven Spielberg stamped all over them. If anyone knows how to write realistic, witty, and badass children, it's Steven Spielberg. He's pretty much the only director that can throw children on the screen and not kill the movie instantly. True story.

Image from fyeahjurassicpark.tumblr.com.

But hey, this wouldn't be a Smoking Pen review if I didn't give a shout out to my man Samuel L. Jackson. Who knew he could play such a damn good nerd? Especially when he's burning through cigarettes like no tomorrow. Finally, my favorite character, Robert Muldoon, played by Bob Peck. He's a small role, but he's a hunter who gets what was coming to him while, at the same time, going out in a blaze. It's a subtle character, but you feel both satisfied by his death and redeemed. Plus, he has the line, "clever girl." Can't top that.

And the end of the day, despite the epic actors and the even more epic dinosaurs, we have to acknowledge the fact that it was the score that really put the movie miles ahead of all other monster movies. That feeling of awe you get when you see the Brachiosaurus rear up to get the high leaves? The intensity that builds as the children climb the electric fence? The moment you fall in love with motherfucking pelicans? Yes, the writing is great, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish--but can I please shake John Williams' hand? I'd wax poetic, but I'm really just going to let it speak for itself. Enjoy 3:20 of motherfucking instrumental magic. Bitches.

Don't Dread Dredd.

DREDD 3D (2012)

Image from flicksandbits.com.

So here's a funny story. I got two tickets to go see Dredd 3D for free. It was an early screening and one of the actors, Wood Harris, would be there. So I thought, why not? I figured it would be a decent, action-packed, sci-fi flick with a lot of gorgeous Lena Headey.

I was wrong. It was an excellent action-packed, sci-fi flick with a lot of gorgeous Lena Headey.

Being a BAMF.

Let me explain. It's been a long, long time since I've seen a solid, airtight action movie. Action movies these days (especially sci-fi action) always have one, creaky wheel that ruins the rest of the movie. Most of the time, they load up their budget on special effects and 3D eye-candy and forget that they actually need a script. This results in high-profile names, an exciting trailer, and the disappointment of fans everywhere when they find out that it was nothing but 90 minutes of empty dialogue from empty characters. Other times, the concept is promising, the talent is promising, but they just try too hard to remake the wheel. It's come to the point where I just about pee myself with glee when I find a solid, good movie. It doesn't need to be great. It doesn't need to an artistic masterpiece. I just want to walk into the movie theater, sit down, and enjoy my money's worth.

Dredd delivers. And then some. The really great thing about Dredd is that they don't try to remake the wheel. The concept is bare-bones simple: in a world where crime runs rampant, two Judges get locked into mob territory and have to fight their way out. Done. No social political agenda, nothing particularly philosophical or mindfucky to see here. Just a couple of consistent characters, some balls-to-the-wall action, and complete lack of plot holes. Can I get an amen?

Let's start off with the man himself. Dredd. Dredd is played by Karl Urban, but you wouldn't know it since he spends the whole time behind a mask speaking in his Batman voice. Dredd is kind of what you imagine RoboCop might look like if he became mildly suicidal and bled his sadomasochistic tendencies by putting holes in bad guy's heads. Basically, what RoboCop might've looked like if Jason Statham took on the role. Only Dredd is a man of the law...at least, a man of whatever law there is left to protect. For that reason alone, he is a sympathetic character and keeps us on his team. That, and the fact that he's never at loss for a smart, growled comeback. 

Image from collider.com.

Dredd gets teamed up with Anderson, AKA: Rookie. Anderson is played by Olivia Thirlby, an actress who I have only now gotten acquainted with and who is officially in my good book. She takes the role and owns it. While she's got a nice, subtle feminine quality to her, she can also look intimidating as shit with the right, icy dialogue under her tongue. Anderson is not only Dredd's beating heart, but also his brain--thanks to radioactive fallout, she's a mutant in a fucked-up society. A psychic. Which comes in handy and saves her ass, along with Dredd's, every step of the way. She pulls her own weight time and again and together, they make an unstoppable team.

Well. Almost unstoppable. Enter my personal, biased favorite: Mama. It's no secret that I'm a giant Lena Headey fan and she, once more, proved to be exceptionally badass. A little backstory on the character: Mama is an ex-prostitute who got her face slashed by a John and from then on, decided to take her anger out on the world. She became a mob-leader of the Mama Clan and kicked the asses of every other clan in her side of town. She's a bloodthirsty, drug addicted mob leader and takes absolutely no prisoners. In short: she's Dredd's dark side. She's just as violent and stubborn as he is, only she's on the other side of the law. This makes her a perfect villain for this movie and amps up the tension tenfold. 

So...where can I get me some Slo-Mo?

Which brings us to "Slo-Mo," the drug that Mama's Clan pushes. Slo-Mo makes things...well. Slow. So maybe it's not a particularly creative name, but it's a creative drug. I should start this off by saying I am an avid hater of slow-motion. Seriously. I would ban slow motion in all films if I could. I hate "emotional slow motion," when someone falls to their knees and makes stupid, agonized faces. I hate dramatic slow motion. I hate romantic slow motion. If you want me to feel something, slowing it to impossible speeds just irritates me, it doesn't make me feel any harder. 

However, there are a couple exceptions to my slow motion hate--and this is one of them. If it's used artistically in an action sequence, I can stomach it. In Dredd, they took "artistic action sequence" to a whole other level. I saw camera angles I don't remember seeing, ever. Just wait for the final fall from grace. Slow, detailed, blood-splattering, face-crushing goodness. I'm there. That said, there was nothing over-the-top and artsy about it. The creative visuals kept in time with the action and didn't interrupt the flow; instead, it worked with the script to build a unique, stunning visual experience. 

Image from moviecarpet.com.

With the lively characters, the sharp dialogue, and the eye-candy action, Dredd is just a good, solid, shoot-'em-up. If you want a movie theater experience you that will not only leave you satisfied but also really fucking pumped, I highly suggest checking this one out. Plus. Lena Headey.

David Plays Basketball With His Alien Buddy.

PROMETHEUS (2012)

Image from screenrant.com.

I'll be the first to say it. This movie couldn't disappoint me if it tried. It was directed by Ridley Scott. It had chockfull of actors I admire. But best of all, its a movie about aliens and robots, which I can never get enough of. For this reason above all, I am completely unreliable when it comes to reviewing this movie. There were aliens and they fucking kill shit. There were robots and they reprogrammed everything my brain told me I should believe about robots. Put a fucking fork in me. This movie could have been called David Plays Basketball And Rides A Bicycle With His Alien Buddy For 3 Hours and I would have been completely and utterly content. But wait, there's more. With spoilers galore. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Robots in space. Win.

Truth be told, Prometheus doesn't exactly cover a lot of new ground. It wouldn't exactly be a stretch to call Prometheus the slightly-watered-down sister of Blade Runner (1982). With aliens. It coaxes out all the old questions: where did we come from? Why were we created? What happens when man comes face-to-face with his maker? However, these are questions I'll never get tired of revisiting, especially while space-octopus-monsters are skull-fucking the all the redshirts in the bunch.

Ridley Scott is, of course, a big name, especially when it comes to science-fiction. And it just so happens, he's got a lot of big names supporting him. Time to run down the list. Logan Marshall-Green played the radical scientist, Charlie. He's a great actor and too often pushed to the sidelines, so it was good to see him get his moment as the frenetic scientist. Don't even try to recognize Guy Pearce. Don't. Charlize Theron was brilliant as the straight-backed, no-nonsense Meredith Vickers. Ruthless and furious, Meredith is a force to be reckoned with. The character herself was great, steeped in personal issues that matched up nicely with the overall current of the movie (humanity vs. robots). My only issue with her character would be the moments when the words coming out of her mouth seemed to fit a little too nicely with the theme (namely, "father"). Still, her chemistry with the other actors was great, particularly up against Michael Fassbender and Idris Elba.

Rock on, Mumbles.

Speaking of. Idris Elba. Gotta love that man. His character, Janek, was--hands down--one of my favorite parts of the movie. Not to mention, probably the most human character in the entire film. He was a cool, down-to-earth cat with a good sense of humor. I need nothing else. Well, except possibly a riveting crew to support him. I'd like to give the film the benefit of the doubt. I saw it at midnight in IMAX 3D. Maybe I was overwhelmed. Maybe I was too busy hyperventilating to catch the names of the deckhands. However, after the brilliance that is the bromance in Alien (1979), I was expecting much of the same here. And I got it. In short, scattered bits and pieces.

I get it. I do. Ridley Scott has an entire fucking world to build here, he doesn't have a lot of time to spend on the spaceship family. Still...an epic, intellectual mindfuck in space will always be an epic, intellectual mindfuck in space. But it's a little hard to separate the humans from the robots when the passengers don't ever seem to have real ties to one another. The emotional connections and bromances between the different characters could have worked well to up the ante, but instead we get a lot of individual characters doing their own thing, completely oblivious to each other. Maybe I just need more foreplay than the average audience member, but I wasn't getting my anticipated warm and fuzzy feelings from any of the characters' relationships.

On the other hand, who needs warm and fuzzy feelings when you can have extended sequences of David the robot? Michael Fassbender wins again. David completely stole every single scene he was in. End of story. Part the credit goes to Fassbender's acting skills. He's proven it before and he proves it yet again--this guy can handle anything you throw at him. He's a fucking powerhouse. And David is a lot of character to carry. He's a robot, but not the kind that sits around and waits for commands. He has an inch of curiosity, pettiness, and betrayal. All-too-human emotions that look terrifying in the hands and heart of a robot.

Looking for foreign object in male patient? Go for the uterus. 

Now for my girl. Noomi Rapace. If I hadn't previously named her BAMF Of The Week, she'd be flaunting that title right now. Talk about a badass chick. There is so much badassitry in the character of Elizabeth Shaw, I had to make a list to keep it all straight:

1. Despite being a scientist, she's kept her cross and (partly) her religion. I don't care one way or the other about religious characters, but it breaks the mold of the angst-ridden, nihilistic scientist. She straddles with world of the physical and the spiritual, and does it all in a logical manner. Kudos. 
2. Her husband/boyfriend/whatever dies in a fire. She's despondent, but she hasn't lost her singular reason to live. 
3. She performs a c-section. On herself. To get rid of a terrifying alien baby.
4. ...And doesn't go maternal on the evil little thing, like 90% of thoughtless women heroines who think with their women-parts. 
5. She's just had major surgery, but she pushes forward. Like a boss. Even though everyone sees her groaning in the corner and clutching her stomach and doesn't lift a hand to help her. Damn "woman problems."
6. Alien? Maker with buyer's remorse? Fuck trying to go Chuck Norris on these bitches. Instead, she uses her smarts and kills two birds with one stone. 
7. Everyone's dead? No matter, she's still got a job to do. 
8. Of course, it probably helps that she gets to spend the rest of her life with Michael Fassbender's head. C'mon. 

In short, Elizabeth Shaw is the shit. And, after all of that, one of the things that impresses me most is the fact that she's not Ellen Ripley II. Let's face it, Ripley is one of the most badass women of all time. If they wanted to duplicate her, there would be an audience for that. I would have been one of them. But Elizabeth Shaw is her own beast. She doesn't "roll with the boys." She doesn't have guns of steel. In fact, I don't think she wields a gun period (feel free to bitch slap me if I'm wrong). Instead, she uses her intellect and her heart. She isn't butch. She isn't brawn. She's feminine, she's emotional, she's spiritual. And she still kicks everyone's asses in the end. Now let me wipe this drool off my keyboard.

A little more drool.

Of course, before I wrap this baby up, I have to devote a little time to the most anticipated character of all. The alien. 2+ hours? Worth it for 5 seconds of alien scream. All the monsters of this movie (aliens and pre-human humans alike) were, of course, epic and terrifying. I will say this, though: I failed as a moviegoer. I fell for the oldest trick in the book and let myself get caught up in the hype. So when Ridley Scott said Prometheus was going to scare the shit out of me, I was ready with a change of pants. Instead, I got a couple gruesome scenes, but nothing that forced me behind partially-spread fingers. Not quite the scare I'd been holding out for, but solid, exciting creatures nonetheless.

All in all, I've got to repeat myself. It was physically impossible for Prometheus to disappoint me. Yes, there were flaws. But nothing so frustrating that it took me out of the movie. As someone who went into a complete Prometheus black-out a couple weeks before the film to avoid any and all spoilers, this movie packed a lot of surprises and definitely left me slack-jawed and mind-fucked. Now for the inevitable sit back and wait for Prometheus II: A Girl And Her Head. Second screening, here I come.

BAMF Of The Week: Joss Whedon

JOSS WHEDON

"Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE."

It's hard to ignore Joss Whedon. While he occasionally gets lost in the cracks of fandom, cult, and short-lived shows, it's impossible to turn a blind-eye to the brilliance that is Whedon. And with the success of The Avengers, it's clear that Whedon is ready for some long-due, wide-spread recognition. But to all the people who love spaceships, aliens, and anti-heroes, we've had Whedon on our radar for a long time. Why? Because the man's a fucking genius. He is to sci-fi what Taratino is to the gangster genre. His worlds are always well-developed. His characters are always complex and relatable. And you always cry when someone dies. He knows how to develop actual arcs, something that seems completely foreign to scripts these days. It makes every character an important, essential part to the story, where they might otherwise exist solely for some pre-slotted comic relief. Instead, they're all full, well-developed, relatable people. Every character will give you a reason to love them at some point, and a reason to hate them. Ensemble casts are really where his strength lies--but damn, do they shine. Oh, and did I mention he's created some of the scariest fucking monsters ever?

The real essence of his work, however, lies in the utter humanity of it all. There's always a very human element to the way the characters relate to each other, to the way they speak to each other, to the way they fuck up and redeem themselves. And he does it all with crisp snark and engaging dialogue. As Melissa says in her review of The Avengers: "You would never mistake the dialogue in a Whedon project with any other. It would be like saying a Kawasaki sounds just like a Harley-Davidson." Amen, sister.

Best Works: The Avengers (2012), Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (2008), Firefly (2002-3). I know, I know. But where the hell is Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I have many reasons to watch Buffy. There's a strong, attractive female lead, there's a crap-ton of badassitry, Anthony Head is in it, and there's a lesbian supporting character. Not to mention, it's the show that single-handedly put Whedon on the map. All the things in the world I love. I just...haven't quite got around to it yet. I know. Stab me with a stake and let's be done with.

Worst Works: He's Joss Whedon, bitch. Bad script isn't in his vocabulary.

Best Quote: Whedon is a master of words and it's hard to pick one epic monologue from another. However. It's imperative that everyone watches the following clip. I know I do a lot of talk about badass women, but. This. Fucking. This.

Other than that, I'm in the middle of Dollhouse (2009) and I have yet to see The Cabin in the Woods (2011). Onto the to-do list!

Fight Club Rule #12:

12. FUCK YEAH ROBOTS.

Chance of me seeing a sci-fi: 50%
Chance of me seeing a sci-fi mind-fuck: 75%
Chance of me seeing a sci-fi with robots: SKYROCKETED.