First Things Fuckin' Last.

RESERVOIR DOGS (1992)

Tarantino's got junk in his trunk.

I know what you're thinking. M., really? It's your own damn QT Blogathon, and you still can't help but procrastinate like a little bitch? Yeah, yeah, so call me Last Second Sam. But I don't seem to be the only way with lastseconditis--if anyone wants to get in on Reservoir Dogs, now is the time! Send me (grasshopperon (at) earthlink.net) anything and everything you've written (even that old dusty piece you wrote some five years ago that's sitting on your shelf) about Reservoir Dogs before April 1st and I'll give you a shout out. Hell, I'm a procrastinator too, if you send it on April 1st, you'll probably get a shout out anyway. And if you don't, I've only got one person so far who's send me anything, so I'll just put his blog up in big sparkly letters and it'll be like his birthday all over again.

image from listal.

But, really, I understand--the truth is, it's incredibly hard to for me write about Reservoir Dogs. I think it has something to do with the fact that I start convulsing like a diabetic squirrel every time the movie comes up. It's just so fucking good. Period. It's so good, it's really hard to wrap my head around the fact that this is Quentin Tarantino's first full-on film--if you don't count My Best Friend's Birthday. Which everyone should give a look through anyway, just because 1) you get Tarantino ODing and 2) he finally admits his foot fetish. But back to The Dogs. I've come up with a list of all the ways Reservoir Dogs fills the quota for a Tarantino movie. Ramblers, let's get rambling. 

The Plot: It's a simple enough plot--a gang of thieves are stuck in a warehouse after a robbery gone bad and forced to figure out which one of them is the rat. It's practically textbook. Until Tarantino gets his hands on it, that is.

The Music: What astounds me about Reservoir Dogs is that Tarantino does not hold back. He isn't trying to please anyone. He's making the movie he wants, period. It has all of his signature moves: the long, drawn out conversations, the Mexican standoff, and of course, the hectic and often hilarious music. As the Dogs strut their stuff to Little Green Bag, you've gotta wonder if everyone knew quite how iconic this movie was going to turn out to be. Then to throw the whole movie on its head by ending on Harry Nilsson's Coconut--I mean, who does that shit? Tarantino does that shit. Black humor is really what sells Tarantino movies time and time again--after all, it's be easy to sell this off as a tense drama with a lot of hard stares and overcompensating tough guys. Instead, we've got Mr. Orange flailing in his own blood (over cheery music, I might add), Mr. Pink whining about tipping waitresses, and a Copacabana funeral hymn. There is no such thing as background music in a Tarantino movie, instead he uses it to heighten the hilarity of the situation and keeps us completely and utterly engaged. Then, of course, there's Stuck In The Middle With You. More on that later...

Badasses being badass.

The Characters: Despite the fact that this is about as ensemble as they get, if I had to pick two main characters they'd probably be Mr. Orange and Mr. White. Mr. White is one of those criminals you can't help but love--he's got a heart of gold, and while you don't particularly ever want to get on Mr. White's bad side, he's a very caring kind of guy. He spends the majority of the movie trying to comfort Mr. Orange and he stands up for things we can all get behind--like loyalty and bromance. Mr. Orange is the other side of that coin--he's a sneaky little undercover bastard, but on the same token, he's very human. A little cocky, maybe, a little reckless, but he's "the good guy"...or at least, he would be in any other film. However, in a movie filled to the brim with anti-heroes, it's the man of the law who becomes the closest thing to an antagonist. 

The Actors: Tarantino is known for doing two things: taking actors out of retirement and putting obscure faces on the map. And it's not hard to see why. Every Dog shines--from Harvey Keitel's no-nonsense bull dog mug to Tim Roth's frantic terrier energy to Steve Buscemi's wide-eyed Chihuahua yaps. If you're wondering what happened to those infamous dogs playing poker, look no further.

And I've got to give some love and attention to the supporting cast. Of course, Michael Madsen, my man. But I'm talking about Chris Penn, who was underrated in his time, but always a joy to watch. Seriously, you can tell why Nice Guy Eddie doesn't really come into present tense of the film until the end because when he is in it, he steals the fucking camera. Also, I will add that Chris Penn and Michael Madsen were very close in real life, and their chemistry shows when they're rolling around on Big Daddy's floor together. Speaking of Big Daddy, Lawrence Tierney. Apparently a pain in the ass to work with. You have to listen to the stories to believe them, so I'm just going to put the video up here. But damn...worth the pain. Joe Cabot is the quintessential mob boss man, and you don't get much better than that.

The Conversation: I mean, really. What would a Tarantino movie be without those long, drawn out conversations that he's the absolute master of perfecting? I've heard some people complain that they get bored whenever the characters dive into conversations about movies or music or whateverthefuck, but those people clearly aren't listening. Although they seem random, they never are--they always divulge important information about the characters while steadily building a natural yet intense tension.

In my opinion, there are two really brilliant conversations in Reservoir Dogs. The first is, of course, the opening scene. AKA: Madonna's Big Dick. It's hilarious, it's natural, and it sets up the characters relationships for the entire movie. We've got tension between Mr. Blonde and Mr. White, which in turn highlights Mr. Blonde's loyalty to Joe Cabot. We've got Mr. Orange trying to blend in and doing his damnedest to be "one of the guys". We've got Mr. Pink showing his true selfish colors as the one character focused entirely on his own survival. It's a ten minute conversation about music and address books, but it sets up the tone of the movie and gives us an insight into every one of the characters at the table.

The second conversation that I love is more of a monologue than anything. Mr. Orange's one story that's supposed to sell him as a completely legit criminal. It's a brilliant piece, complete with flashbacks and an occasional interjection from his audience. And it does a multitude of things all at once: it solidifies Mr. Orange's backstory, it shows him as the master storyteller he is, and it gives us a reason to root for him. Not to mention, it's just fucking hilarious. Oh, and hi, Lawrence Bender.

image from listal.

The Iconic Moment: You guessed it. My absolute favorite moment of the entire film--Stuck In The Middle With You. It works on every level imaginable. It's grotesque, it's painful, it makes me laugh, it makes me cringe, and it makes me love Michael Madsen more than I thought possible. And Mr. Blonde cuts a bitch's ear off. C'MON. From Madsen's funny twists and turns, to the way he talks into the severed body part, to the final, abrupt end, there is nothing I don't love about this scene. We even get a neat little intermission, following Mr. Blonde out of the warehouse to get his gas can. Dogs bark, birds sing, kids play. And then it's right back inside to finish up his twisted, bloody dance. No matter how many times I watch this scene, I can't get over it. Magic, my friends, fucking magic.

And then there's Kirk Baltz. Also known as Officer Marvin Nash. Give this man an award. Fun fact of the day: most of his panic was ad-libbed. Which is impressive to get away with, especially on a Tarantino set. Still, the moment when he starts on about his children at home? All improvisation. Looking for proof? Listen closely, the newly-turned-father Michael Madsen grumbles in displeasure off screen. Still, they kept the take, because Kirk Baltz is that fucking brilliant.

Image from gonemovies.com.

The Mexican Standoff: Where to end this lovefest except at the end? After running a perfect 90 minutes, the tension of the film finally culminates until a full on Mexican standoff. We've got the Cabots on one side--Joe and Nice Guy Eddie--and Mr. White on the other side, standing up for his ideals and his bromance. Never mind that the bromance is ill-fated and ends in tragedy. And, of course, the only one who makes it out alive is the never-tips-a-waitress Mr. Pink, who you can hear getting pulled over and arrested in the background. All in all, it was the only way this movie could've ended, and Tarantino pulls it off brilliantly. With coconuts. There is really nothing I don't love about this movie. If you haven't seen it, I pity the fool.

Coming up next: True Romance (1993). I'll be putting up all the (one?) Reservoir Dogs posts I receive on/around April 1st. April will in turn be the month of the True Romance, and if you send me any and everything you've got on the movie, I'll put up those posts on March 1st. Full speed ahead to Django!

BAMF Of The Week: Michael Madsen

MICHAEL MADSEN

"That woman deserves her revenge, and we deserve to die."

While trying come up with my BAMF of the week, I was doing some good ol' fashioned blog surfing, and came across Being Norma Jeane's QT Week. A whole week? Devoted to Quentin Tarantino? Count me in. After reading over her lists of awesome, I felt like I had to do something Tarantino this week. It didn't help that Free Willy (1993) was on TV and I ended up watching the whole thing just to see if Madsen would finally slap the kid. Michael Madsen has always been a bit of a favorite of mine, and I consider him one of the most underrated actors. It's as though for every excellent film he makes, he has to do ten crap films in between until someone remembers he exists. That aside, the reasons why Madsen is excellent have to be boiled down to this: his sadism, and his puppy dog eyes. Because really, psychotic roles come and go, and actors pick them up like candy. They're fun to play, and they always look cool doing them. But Madsen has a leg up. While he can be as sadistic as he wants, with that husky growl and his you-gonna-die chuckle, he has these fantastic puppy dog eyes. Which somehow simultaneously gives his character a soul and makes him that much more unpredictable. Madsen, my hat is off to you. 

Best films: The dancing manic in Reservoir Dogs (1992), the volatile romantic from Thelma & Louise (1991), and the shit cleaning merciless brother in Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004), and the gangster with the lion taming smile from Donnie Brasco (1997).

Worst films: The made-for-tv lifetime movie, Christmas Crash (2009)? Really? Is everyone so afraid he'll cut into them if they try to film with him? The last remotely badass role of his was voicing the wolf Maugrim in Chronicles Of Narnia (2005). C'mon, people. Give this man a role!

Best moments: It's impossible to compare anything to his classic dance of death to the tunes of Stuck In The Middle With You.

Best quotes:

Mr. Blonde: Was that as good for you as it was for me?

Mr. Blonde: I might break you in, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch.

Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?

Budd: You gotta hand it to the old girl. I never saw nobody buffalo Bill the way she buffaloed Bill. Bill used to think she was so damn smart. I tried to tell him..."Bill, she's just smart for a blonde."

Louise: Remember when we first met?
Jimmy: Yeah.
Louise: What happened? Tell me what you said.
Jimmy: I said you had a nice pair of eyes.
Louise: And what did I say? You remember?
Jimmy: Yeah, you shut 'em. Asked me if I knew what color they were?
Louise: And what's you say?
Jimmy: I didn't know.
Louise: [She covers his eyes] Jimmy, what color are my eyes?
Jimmy: They're brown.

Top Five Badasses Who Don't Know It

TOP FIVE BADASSES WHO DON'T KNOW IT

This is a quick and dirty list of a few actors I don't think get enough recognition for being downright awesome. These are people who for years have been skipped over, making maybe one or two really "big time" movies and then falling into dust for no good reason whatsoever. In no particular order, I give you a couple names I feel everyone should know better.

1. Michael Madsen.

"You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

Why we love him: his ability to be ruthless and sadistic while wearing those puppy eyes.

Classics: The ear slice from Reservoir Dogs (1992), the proposal from Thelma & Louise (1991), the tits full of rocksalt in Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004).

Where's he at?: The made-for-tv lifetime movie, Christmas Crash (2009)? Really? Is everyone so afraid he'll cut into them if they try to film with him? The last remotely badass role of his was voicing the wolf Maugrim in Chronicles Of Narnia (2005). C'mon. 

2. Tim Roth.

"The point of the story isn't the little girl, the point of the story is they robbed a bank with a telephone."

Why we love him: his devilish smile, his British accent, his professional acting skills. 

Classics: Imagonnadie! in Reservoir Dogs (1992), Pumpkin at the diner in Pulp Fiction (1994), the sound of his suffering in Funny Games (2007).
Where's he at?: Currently staring in the constantly-on-the-verge-of-being-cancelled tv show Lie To Me. I am actually one of the few who watch the show and enjoy it, but I can still recognize that he deserves better than his lot in cinema. Instead, it seems he'll go down in history as that guy who's face you see everywhere, but you can never quite place. 

3. Summer Glau.
"Please, God, make me a stone."

Why we love her: her badass gymnastics, the fact that she looks absolutely lethal with a gun, her crazy.
Classics: her behind-the-pole kick in Serenity (2005), her epic awesomeness in Firefly (2002-3), apparently Dollhouse (2009-10)--though I wouldn't be able to vogue for that.
Where she at?: TV, generally. Which is fine, since that seems to be where she wants to be, but she should still have directors knocking down her door. Plus, she had an unfortunate stint with The Sarah Connor Chronicles (2008). She can do better than that.

4. Peter Greene.

"Ice this deadbeat!"

Why we love him: I'll admit this is a little personal vendetta of mine. But I loved him in The Mask, which I saw way too many times as a kid, and he was always the ultimate bad guy in my head. And then I saw him in The Bounty Hunter and knew I had to get revenge for this atrocity on his career. 

Classics: Dorian's growl in The Mask (1994), Zed the rapist from Pulp Fiction (1994).

Where's he at?: The Bounty Hunter (2010). Unfortunately.

5. Norman Reedus.
"And we will send you to whatever god you wish."

Why we love him: his ability to be both extremely sweet and a systematic assassin.
Classics: his terrifying bible recitations from The Boondock Saints (1999).
Where he at?: Let's face it. Most of the cast of Boondock Saints seems to have gotten shafted for no real reason except that they're all Irish or something. But he's currently in The Walking Dead, which you all know is massive cool points to me. Nonetheless, before that, he had credits that read like this: American Gangster (2007)--Detective in Morgue. Like our friend Tim Roth, he seems doomed to be another nameless face in the cinematic graveyard.

Honorable Mention: Tom Hardy

"You musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

Why we love him: his bod. His accent. His risky roles and ability to pull all of them off.

Classics: his muscles in Bronson (2008), his ambiguous sexuality in RocknRolla (2008), and his dreaminess in Inception (2010). 

Where he at?: Tom Hardy would be on this list if Inception hadn't put him on the map. And his upcomings look good--he's even rumored for the next Batman, The Dark Knight Rises (2010). Congratulations, Tom Hardy, I don't think you're going to leave the public eye for a good long time.

That's my list, filled with personal quarrels with the movie industry. Anyone here already too big for their britches? What're some other actors who are consistently pushed out of the spotlight?