BAMF Of The Week: Jason Statham

JASON STATHAM
"Bonjour, douchebag."

Since I fina-fucking-ly got around to watching Crank, this was the inevitable outcome. Jason Statham up on the wall of fame. I'm aware that he's an actor who people have mixed opinions about, but let's look at the facts: he's a really fucking good action hero/anti-hero. He does his own stunts, he looks lethal with a gun, and he knows how to deliver a good one-liner. Sold. The best part about it? He's British, so he knows how to sell sarcasm. Sarcastic wit is a talent they've really nailed on the head over there, and he pulls it off with his often snide, petty characters. So, yes. Jason Statham always plays Jason Statham. But really, why would you want him to be anything else?

Best Films: Crank, Snatch. (2000), and Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (1998). Basically, he's just feeding off my Guy Ritchie fetish. Mean Machine (2001), while not movie of the year, was just a fun fucking movie and he was hilarious in it. However, if you want to see a movie that's not particularly great but leaves you going, "Wait, Jason Statham can act?", try London (2005). 

Worst Films: The Expendables (2010). Shudder. Though, to be fair, I haven't actually seen Gnomeo & Juliet (2011). 

Fun Fact: He's an asshole in real life? Orly? And Chuck Norris is a Republican, ask me how much I care. 

Upcoming: Safe (2012) just came out. So it's not a particularly original plot, but I'll be seeing that shit anyway. 

I haven't actually gotten around to The Mechanic (2011) or Blitz (2011), though I've been meaning to. Any takers?  

BAMF Of The Week: The Pikey

THE PIKEY
"You stay until the job's done."

I fought Brad Pitt for a good while. I can't really say why either. He was just one of those actors that'd been overexposed and I was suddenly getting cottonmouth trying to swallow down his movies. Irrationally despising him for no good reason except I was simply tired of his face. And then I found Snatch (2000). You could say it was love at first squeak, really. But that's a whole other story. I'm here for "The Pikey", AKA Mickey O'Neil. He's about as gypsy as you can get, with his devil-may-care attitude and his ever-loving devotion to his ma. Best of all is his accent. I could try to describe it, but it may be best just to let the man speak for himself. The rumor is that Brad Pitt couldn't do an Irish accent, and he couldn't do an English accent, so Guy Ritchie more or less let the man make up his own eccentric mix. Best decision ever. Don't let Mickey's bark fool you, though, as soon as this scrawny man curls up his fists he's just about the deadliest fighter out there. Now if only he understood the concept of a "fixed fight"...

This BAMF of the week doesn't so much go to a person as it does go to what I consider to be one of the best boxing fights ever to grace the screen. Yes, I know, all fans of Rocky (1976) and Raging Bull (1980) can sneer, but this scene is visceral. From the animal grunts and growls, to the quick, fumbling cuts, to the heavy beat of the music, and finally to the fanfuckingtastic underwater interlude. This is Guy Ritchie at his best, the kind of work that really sets him apart from all the other sheeple.

Movie: Snatch (2000).

Best moments: The boxing scene. Either boxing scene, actually. Or the caravan on fire. In short, it's really impossible to choose one from the pile of epicness.

Best quotes:

Mickey: Good dags. D'ya like dags?
Tommy: Dags?
Mickey: What?
Mrs. O'Neil: Yeah, dags.
Tommy: Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.

Mickey: You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. You stay until the job's done.

Mickey: I'll tell ya what. I'll do it for a caravan.
Turkish: For what?
Pikeys: For a caravan.
Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan.
[looking around]
Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one?
Mickey: It's not for me. It's for me ma.
Turkish: Your what?
Pikeys: His ma.

BAMF Of The Week: Mark Strong

MARK STRONG

"If a slap don't work, you cut 'em or you pay 'em."

Mark Strong is one of the unsung chameleons of the acting world. If you don't know who he is, it's probably because you just didn't recognize him. He's been everything from Mr. Knightley in Emma (1996) to the nerdy, calculating hitman Sorter from Revolver (2005) (who Guy Ritchie constantly got a kick out of, as he remarked in the commentary, simply because he was so pleased with seeing Mark Strong in socks that stuck out from under his trousers). He's charismatic, terrifying, and completely imbibes every role he's in. Which is why it took me so fucking long to realize he's actually an amazing actor. Because never once did I think "Wow, Mark Strong was really good in Rocknrolla". I just thought, "Huh, Archy's a really badass dude". He's not one of those actors who you automatically think of as being as awesome actor because he just does it so damn naturally, you instantly get caught in the flow of his characters. 

I'll admit here that my admiration for Mark Strong could very possibly simply be another branch of my admiration for the BAMF Guy Ritchie. Who I love with all my wanna-be-British heart. After all, if Mark Strong is enough of a badass for Guy Ritchie to shove the man in three of his movies, there has to be something essentially fucking awesome about him, right? Right. But the thing is, I've seen him in other things, and he's been epic in every role and genre he takes on. Like I said. Fucking chameleon. 

Best Films: Revolver (2005), Rocknrolla (2008), Sherlock Holmes (2009). Guy Ritchie aside, let's be real, he was even a bamf in Stardust (2007).

Best Moment: Sorter's shootout in Revolver. Really. The movie should've just been called Sorter & Co. Or Archy's slap, it's really a toss up.

Best Quote: [When asked if he's going to try to scramble for that golden ticket Hollywood lead role] "I tend to read scripts and just take what I like. I have no plan...I wouldn't want to sit at home planning a campaign of how I'm gonna get an Oscar, I mean I'm not that kind of actor. I'm genuinely not interested in that kinda stuff. What I love is being on a film set with intelligent people, making movies."

Upcoming Films: He's going to be in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011). I'm there. 

Top Ten Killer Directors.

TOP TEN KILLER DIRECTORS

Anyone who reads through my movie ramblings is going to notice there are certain directors who I compare just about everything to. Names that pop up, movies, styles...so I figured it was about time I lay out some of my ground work. And so, I give you the badasses behind the badass movies; my top ten killer directors:

10. Steven Spielberg.

"I dream for a living." 

Why we love him: his extensive imagination, his timeless characters, his elaborate worlds.

Classics: Indiana Jones (1981-89), Jussassic Park (1993), Schindler's List (1993).

9. Christopher Nolan. 

"I think audiences get too comfortable and familiar in today's movies. They believe everything they're hearing and seeing. I like to shake that up."

Why we love him: his mindfucks. 

Classics: Memento (2000), The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010).

8. Francis Ford Coppola. 

"My film is not a movie; it's not about Vietnam. It is Vietnam."

Why we love him: his epics, his movies we can't refuse.  

Classics: The Godfather (1972), Apocalypse Now (1979).

7. The Wachowski Brothers. 

"One of the things we had talked about...was an idea that I believe philosophy and religion and mathematics all try to answer. Which is a reconciling between a natural world and another world that is perceived by our intellect."

Why we love them: the way they have us leaving the theater wondering what the fuck just happened. 

Classics: Bound (1996), The Matrix (1999).

6. Martin Scorsese.

"Cinema is a matter of what's in the frame and what's out."

Why we love him: his command of suspense, the powerful way he wields silence.

Classics: Taxi Driver (1976), Goodfellas (1990), The Departed (2006), Shutter Island (2010).

5. The Coen Brothers.

"He does most of the typing." "Yeah, I usually type, because I type better. It's incredibly informal. I mean, us writing is basically just us sitting around in a room, moping for hours." 

Why we love them: their black humor, their lovable characters, their absurd sense of reality.

Classics: Blood Simple (1984), Fargo (1996), The Big Lebowski (1998). 

4. Stanley Kubrick.

"A film is--or should be--more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings."

Why we love him: his twisted imagination, his ability to make us cringe at humanity.

Classics: Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb (1964), 2001: Space Odyssey (1968), A Clockwork Orange (1971).

Your Mind Will Not Accept This Movie.

REVOLVER (2005)

Image from beyondhollywood.com

What is it with me and British gangster films? Nonetheless, you can't talk about British gangsters and not mention Guy. Guy Ritchie delivers a tour de force with an intellectual gangster film that's definitely one of a kind. We have guns, sharp wit, and Jewish mysticism. Seriously. Only Guy Ritchie could pull this off. That said, if you are just dipping your toes into the glory that is Guy Ritchie, I would not recommend you start with this movie. Definitely start with his earlier stuff, Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch seem to be the general consensus for "Guy Ritchie classics". On the other hand, if you're as much of a Guy Ritchie junkie as I am, this should definitely be on your to-see list. 

I know I'm going on a limb with this statement since Revolver is one of the least widely accepted Guy movies, but it's one of my favorites. And I will tell you why. The pseudo intellectual mumbojumbo. Yes, I understand, this is a big turn off for most folks. When they want an action movie, they want an action movie. When they want a documentary on cons, chess, and Judaism, they want a documentary on cons, chess, and Judaism. The thing is, I always want action. So to me, it's more like a great motherfucking movie, with the added bonus of blowing my mind. No one complained when Memento pulled the old amnesia schtick. What's wrong with a macho movie that requires a bit of thoughts to understand it?

There's a reason chess games are cliché. Because they're awesome.

Alright. So maybe I'm not giving you adequate warning. I will say this: as much as I did love a good bit of mind fuck, it took me about three views to actually understand the plot. Since there, I've seen it more than a couple times, and I still trip up on bits and pieces. Even during the commentary, there are parts when Guy Ritchie pauses then goes, "To fully understand this movie, you have to know stuff that I can't talk about on this commentary because it would take too long to explain." But when you get over the religious hump, this comes down to a story about ego and humanity. I like to think of this as the "real" version of all Guy Ritchie's other movies. He strips away the cartoon remorseless killers and makes them turn around and come face to face with their own greed. It's sort of the Requiem For A Dream of gangster films.

BUT. If you hang up your brain and give yourself over to the brilliance that is Revolver, I don't think you'll be disappointed. The characters in this movie are positively badass. Jake Green, played by one of Ritchie's favorites Jason Statham, is a recently released con man. And he's made it his mission to get a little pay back and sink his nemesis, the rich and famous Macha (the fanfuckingtastic Ray Liotta), deep in debt. However, his plans get thwarted thanks to a rare blood disease and a couple of hard hitting loan sharks (Andre Benjamin--who'da thought he could act?--and Vincent Pastore).

Do not mess with a geek with a gun.

Jason Statham for one plays a refreshing character for him. Sure, he's a cold sonofabitch, but he's not that pure testosterone meathead of a man. Instead, he plays a character with a soul, a character who has to go through some extremely strenuous self evaluation. It's the best acting I've seen from Statham yet, I was legitimately impressed. Ray Liotta is also...well. He's Ray Liotta. He's extraordinarily badass. I've yet to see him in a role where he didn't blow me away. And this is no exception. Until I saw Goodfellas, I thought this was his best role. Now I realize it's his second best. But that's still saying a lot. His performance is chilling. But then again, there's nothing scarier than watching a top dog mobster crumble under his own towering ego. The best I saved for last. Jason Statham, awesome, Ray Liotta, awesome...but the one who really sold this movie for me was Mark Strong. Strong plays Sorter, a one of a kind OCD nerdy hit man. There...is very little I can say about Sorter. Except for the fact that he wears pants just short enough to show his socks, and yet he can still drill a hole in a wall, stick a gun with it, and kill anyone on the other end with a single shot. He's a BAMF. End of story. 

One last note on this movie. DO NOT watch the American version. The American version of most things are shit, but for this movie in particularly. I picked it up just to have the commentary and the movie itself literally makes no sense. They cut out major plot twists, save characters who have EPIC deaths, and lose the entire ending. Yeah. It's awful. If you have suffered the American version, I'm sorry. You can probably download the British version floating around somewhere online or just do the Amazon thing.

And so, all you Guy Ritchie fanatics, go out and check this one out. And shine on, you crazy diamonds.