BAMF Of The Week: Jason Statham

JASON STATHAM
"Bonjour, douchebag."

Since I fina-fucking-ly got around to watching Crank, this was the inevitable outcome. Jason Statham up on the wall of fame. I'm aware that he's an actor who people have mixed opinions about, but let's look at the facts: he's a really fucking good action hero/anti-hero. He does his own stunts, he looks lethal with a gun, and he knows how to deliver a good one-liner. Sold. The best part about it? He's British, so he knows how to sell sarcasm. Sarcastic wit is a talent they've really nailed on the head over there, and he pulls it off with his often snide, petty characters. So, yes. Jason Statham always plays Jason Statham. But really, why would you want him to be anything else?

Best Films: Crank, Snatch. (2000), and Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (1998). Basically, he's just feeding off my Guy Ritchie fetish. Mean Machine (2001), while not movie of the year, was just a fun fucking movie and he was hilarious in it. However, if you want to see a movie that's not particularly great but leaves you going, "Wait, Jason Statham can act?", try London (2005). 

Worst Films: The Expendables (2010). Shudder. Though, to be fair, I haven't actually seen Gnomeo & Juliet (2011). 

Fun Fact: He's an asshole in real life? Orly? And Chuck Norris is a Republican, ask me how much I care. 

Upcoming: Safe (2012) just came out. So it's not a particularly original plot, but I'll be seeing that shit anyway. 

I haven't actually gotten around to The Mechanic (2011) or Blitz (2011), though I've been meaning to. Any takers?  

Fight Club Rule #11:

(Though I will admit this is kind of the shit).

Anyone actually see Luck (2011) and care to change my mind about it?

BAMF Of The Week: The Pikey

THE PIKEY
"You stay until the job's done."

I fought Brad Pitt for a good while. I can't really say why either. He was just one of those actors that'd been overexposed and I was suddenly getting cottonmouth trying to swallow down his movies. Irrationally despising him for no good reason except I was simply tired of his face. And then I found Snatch (2000). You could say it was love at first squeak, really. But that's a whole other story. I'm here for "The Pikey", AKA Mickey O'Neil. He's about as gypsy as you can get, with his devil-may-care attitude and his ever-loving devotion to his ma. Best of all is his accent. I could try to describe it, but it may be best just to let the man speak for himself. The rumor is that Brad Pitt couldn't do an Irish accent, and he couldn't do an English accent, so Guy Ritchie more or less let the man make up his own eccentric mix. Best decision ever. Don't let Mickey's bark fool you, though, as soon as this scrawny man curls up his fists he's just about the deadliest fighter out there. Now if only he understood the concept of a "fixed fight"...

This BAMF of the week doesn't so much go to a person as it does go to what I consider to be one of the best boxing fights ever to grace the screen. Yes, I know, all fans of Rocky (1976) and Raging Bull (1980) can sneer, but this scene is visceral. From the animal grunts and growls, to the quick, fumbling cuts, to the heavy beat of the music, and finally to the fanfuckingtastic underwater interlude. This is Guy Ritchie at his best, the kind of work that really sets him apart from all the other sheeple.

Movie: Snatch (2000).

Best moments: The boxing scene. Either boxing scene, actually. Or the caravan on fire. In short, it's really impossible to choose one from the pile of epicness.

Best quotes:

Mickey: Good dags. D'ya like dags?
Tommy: Dags?
Mickey: What?
Mrs. O'Neil: Yeah, dags.
Tommy: Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.

Mickey: You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. You stay until the job's done.

Mickey: I'll tell ya what. I'll do it for a caravan.
Turkish: For what?
Pikeys: For a caravan.
Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan.
[looking around]
Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one?
Mickey: It's not for me. It's for me ma.
Turkish: Your what?
Pikeys: His ma.

BAMF Of The Week: Benicio Del Toro

BENICIO DEL TORO

"I'm not Jack Nicholson. I'm not Brando. But I do mumble."

Remember BAMF Of The Week? Yeah, me neither. Kevin Smith is apparently the BAMF of the month. Which, frankly, works for me. He pwns. In any case, I decided to finally give someone else a chance to shine. Someone's who's been a little down in the gutter recently thanks to some crap career choices. But I'm here to give the man a little history and remind him we love him anyway. It's the funny looking mug. The gruff grumble. The way he just always seems whacked out, no matter what he's doing. Naturally, he does best as the strung out fuck up of a character who we admire for the sole reason that he's somehow still alive. Even when he does play a somewhat "normal" and level headed character, you get the feeling there's something bubbling under the surface, something devious deep inside him itching to get out. I can't really figure out what it is, it's just something about his general person that makes him the perfect candidate for those characters with sharp edges. This is something of a self-serving post of mine, because the thing is, as much as I love Toro, I also haven't seen enough of his movies. So any suggestions thrown my way will be rewarded with a ride out of Bat Country.

Best Films: Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998), Snatch (2000), 21 Grams (2003), Sin City (2005)

Best Moment: Getting electrocuted in the bathtub by an orange.

Worst Moment: The Wolfman (2010). Why?

Best Quotes: "As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit." (Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas)

"I am not in Rome. I am in a rush." (Snatch)

"You want to see it? You wanna see what I got?"
I've seen all shapes, all sizes. 
[Pulls gun] "You seen this one?" (Sin City)

EDIT: I followed everyone's advice and watched 21 Grams. Best advice ever! That bitch is up on the list. Not only was it an excellent movie period, but Benicio Del Toro blew that shit out of the park.

Top Ten Mindfucking Action Scenes.

TOP TEN MINDFUCKING ACTION SCENES

Neo vs. handstands.

Ah yes, action. The guns, the blood, the explosions. It's good for the testosterone, good for adrenaline, and just plain good for the soul. But, every once in a couple years, there will be that one director that pushes it that extra inch. Who takes the action to a whole new level of awesomeness. And so, in no particular order, here's my list of action scenes that fucked with my head.