BAMF Of The Week: Harrison Ford

HARRISON FORD

"I don't use any particular method. I'm from the let's pretend school of acting."

Ah, Harrison Ford. If I could count the ways your badassitry astounds me. It was recently the man's birthday, so I'm going to have to belatedly appreciate everything that is awesome in him. The great thing about Harrison Ford isn't his acting, or his presence, or his penchant for whips. It's some inner badassitry that exudes from the inside-out and makes even the most epic role even better once its in his shoes. Was Indiana Jones a once-in-a-lifetime role? Yes. Is Han Solo one of the most iconic characters of all time? Damn straight. Is Colonel Lucas one unforgettable character? Wait...er...Colonel who? Oh, you mean Harrison Ford With Glasses In Apocalypse Now? The proof is there: Harrison Ford could be an understudy for an extra and he would still be the best character in the entire film. Why? Because he's Harrison Fucking Ford with that undeniably magic Midas touch--everything he touches becomes an instant classic.

Best films: Let's list the classics, shall we? Star Wars Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Raiders of the Lost Ark, Blade Runner (1989).

Worst films: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008). Also known as the-movie-that-everyone-pretends-did-not-exist.

Best moments: "I know."

Upcoming: Apparently he's slated to be in the movie version of Ender's Game (2013). Color me curious.

Top Five Deadly Little Kids

TOP FIVE DEADLY LITTLE KIDS

Here we are, just a day away from Hunger Games (2012). At least, a day if you're crazy like me and already have tickets to thursday's midnight show. Either way, that shit's coming up soon, and in the meantime we're all going to rock back and forth and pray that is doesn't turn into some Twilight sparkly eye candy crap. I want children, on a big screen, getting their guts torn out. Is that so much to ask for? Either way, to boost my hope that this movie will be as wonderfully, epically violent as the books were, I've decided to compile a list of the top five deadly little kids you do not want to steal candy from.  

5. Anakin Skywalker. 

Last Spotted: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999). 

Body Count: This little turd killed the hopes and dreams of thousands upon thousands of Star Wars fans. It's geek genocide.

4. Go-Go.

Last Spotted: Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003).

Body Count: She gives The Bride a run for her money. Plus, she goes fucking medieval on her ass.

3. Hit-Girl.

Last Spotted: Kick-Ass (2010).

Body Count: How many people can beat the shit out of Mark Strong and get away with it? And how many of those people are child assassins? 

2. Mitsuko.

Last Spotted: Battle Royale (2000). Also known as the better and bloodier Hunger Games.

Body Count: She manipulates and slaughters her way through the arena. With a fucking scythe. What is it with me and Japanese school girls today?

1. Hanna.

Last Spotted: Hanna (2011).
Body Count: She's a lean, mean, scrappy little fighting machine. Seriously. Don't mess with this bitch.

And if those five deadly children don't scare you into ripping your uterus out, these might:
Those two little shits from The Shining (1980).

Mahilda from Leon: The Professional (1994).
John Connor from Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991).
Claudia from Interview With The Vampire (1994).
Hayley Stark from Hard Candy (2005).

Pedophiles: this is your final warning. Any lethal children I missed?

All The Cool Kids Were Doing It...

15 QUESTIONS. BITCHES.

So it's looking like everyone's jumping on this 15 Questions Meme bandwagon. And by everyone I mean [film] girl and Film Mattic. The meme is originally a brain child of Defiant Success, and I believe it succeeded defiantly. But they just made it look like so much damn fun I had to put my two cents in. And since this is clearly a procrastination technique, we're cutting the crap and skipping straight to the numbers...

1. Movie you love with a passion.

Enough said.

2. Movie you vow to never watch.

Even the poster makes me uncomfortable. Quickly moving on...

3. Movie that literally left you speechless.

$%@#)*! So fucking good. 

4. Movie you always recommend.

If you don't like the original series, you might want to check your pulse.

5. Actor/actress you always watch, no matter how crappy the movie.

And he's already made me suffer for this one. Thanks a lot, Green Hornet.

6. Actor/actress you don't get the appeal for. 

The answer is Sarah Jessica Parker, not the horse. If you can tell which is which.

7. Actor/actress, living or dead, you'd love to meet.

I don't actually really need to meet Harrison Ford, I just want to meet Indiana Jones, kthx.

8. Sexiest actor/actress you've seen. 

I know she's not everyone's favorite, but more for me.  And of course this doesn't hurt.

9. Dream cast.

So they're all kind of very different actors, but hey. It could happen.

10. Favorite actor pairing.

What can I say? RDJ and Val Kilmer make a great bromance.

11. Favorite movie setting.

Unnamed, ambiguous third world country.*

12. Favorite decade for movies.

If you can't tell, I'm a fan.

13. Favorite chick flick or action movie.

It's literally impossible for me to pick one action movie. So its come to this. 

14. Favorite hero, villain or anti-hero.

See #8.

15. Black and white or color?

All credit to www.ibraheemyoussef.com/ibraheemshop.

Another Tarantino take over? I think so.


*In no way am I endorsing The Expendables. I still hate its guts. 

Top Ten Badass Bots

TOP TEN BADASS BOTS

Call them what you will. Robots, androids, cyborgs, cylons. Technically, this list should be called Top Ten Sentient Man-Made Beings, but that doesn't quite have the same ring to it. Whatever you call them (nerds, debate), you can't argue with the simple fact that they're badass. They can be lean, mean machines of destruction, or as friendly as your childhood teddy bear. Personally, I don't trust the fuckers. While we hang tight and twiddle our thumbs until the robot apocalypse crushes the human race with fists of steel (and it will happen), here are a couple cinematic robots to pass the time:

10. Marvin.

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005).

So I'm really talking about the suicidal, sarcastic little bastard from Douglas Adam's books here. But the Alan Rickman voice is a little too perfect to pass up.

9. Number Six.

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2009).

Hottest. Robots. Ever.

8. Agent Smith.

The Matrix Trilogy (1999-2003)

So technically he's not a robot. Technically he's a "computer program". But shit, he's Hugo Weaving and he's badass.

7. Pris.

Blade Runner (1962).

I know I'm being a dick for putting two robot characters from the same movie in here, but c'mon. I needed some more Daryl Hannah in my life.

6. RoboCop.

RoboCop (1987).

The 14-year old boy in me is having a fangasm right now. But it's a really fucking good movie!

5. C-3PO/R2-D2.

The Star Wars Trilogy (1977-1983)*.

The world's greatest bot-mance.

4. Maria The Robot. 

Metropolis (1927).

She's a classic. Literally. Like my dinosaur PC. But who doesn't love, as my girlfriend so eloquently puts it, her "sexy dance"?

3. HAL 9000.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968).

Because everyone knows the line "What do you think you're doing, Dave?"

2. The Terminator.

The Terminator Franchise (1984-2009).

The Governator is a metal-boned BAMF who will take down anything in his way. End of story. 

1. Roy Batty. 

Blade Runner (1982).

What is it about Roy Batty? Probably the fact that he's not, in fact, much of a robot at all. He's depressingly human, and it's his soul that sells the movie, not his machinery. 

And that's your nerdiness for the day. Since really excellent robot movies seem far and few between, any recommendations are more than welcome. Except Transformers. I'm sorry, that is one acid trip the 14-year old boy in me refuses to take. 

*The prequels don't exist. Don't even try to convince me otherwise.