Top Five Deadly Little Kids


Here we are, just a day away from Hunger Games (2012). At least, a day if you're crazy like me and already have tickets to thursday's midnight show. Either way, that shit's coming up soon, and in the meantime we're all going to rock back and forth and pray that is doesn't turn into some Twilight sparkly eye candy crap. I want children, on a big screen, getting their guts torn out. Is that so much to ask for? Either way, to boost my hope that this movie will be as wonderfully, epically violent as the books were, I've decided to compile a list of the top five deadly little kids you do not want to steal candy from.  

5. Anakin Skywalker. 
Last Spotted: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999). 
Body Count: This little turd killed the hopes and dreams of thousands upon thousands of Star Wars fans. It's geek genocide.

4. Go-Go.
Last Spotted: Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003).
Body Count: She gives The Bride a run for her money. Plus, she goes fucking medieval on her ass.

3. Hit-Girl.
Last Spotted: Kick-Ass (2010).
Body Count: How many people can beat the shit out of Mark Strong and get away with it? And how many of those people are child assassins? 

2. Mitsuko.
Last Spotted: Battle Royale (2000). Also known as the better and bloodier Hunger Games.
Body Count: She manipulates and slaughters her way through the arena. With a fucking scythe. What is it with me and Japanese school girls today?

1. Hanna.
Last Spotted: Hanna (2011).
Body Count: She's a lean, mean, scrappy little fighting machine. Seriously. Don't mess with this bitch.

And if those five deadly children don't scare you into ripping your uterus out, these might:
Those two little shits from The Shining (1980).
Mahilda from Leon: The Professional (1994).
John Connor from Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991).
Claudia from Interview With The Vampire (1994).
Hayley Stark from Hard Candy (2005).

Pedophiles: this is your final warning. Any lethal children I missed?


  1. Haven't seen Hanna yet, but I agree with the your other selections. Chuckled to myself at the inclusion of Anakin.

    1. Anakin is the killer of all things good. End of story. And I highly recommend Hanna, I just rewatched it the other day and it's still epic as all hell!

  2. I'm with you on all of these (especially Mitsuke, who is my favorite BATTLE ROYALE character), but also would include Rhoda from THE BAD SEED. Not only is she a little killer, she's creepy as hell and mad cunning.

    1. I haven't seen The Bad Seed, but I've only heard good things about it. And Mitsuke is a BAMF. My love for her badassitry knows no bounds. She more or less tied with Hanna, but considering Hanna is basically trained from birth, I've got to hand the first place to the little badass.

  3. Ooh nice list. Haven't seen a few, but from the ones I have, I totally agree. Have you seen this film called The Good Son? Macaulay Culkin is uber scary in it. Never expected that from Kevin McCalister, nor did I ever expect to be rooting for little Elijah Wood over him.

    1. Thanks! I haven't seen The Good Son, but Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood both sound good in my book. I may have to check that one out!

  4. Great list...your inclusion of Anakin is frickin' great.
    As for anybody missed, it might be a bit old, but the little bastard from Pet Cemetary was a bad customer.

    I mean, cutting hamstrings? Not cool. Even if you're an undead little fucker.

    Oh, and is weird that I find a good portion of your list sexy? I mean, the of age ones.

    1. Cutting hamstrings is the one thing that will never fail to make me cringe. Can't help it.

      And I've given up trying to fight the girl-with-a-weapon fetish. Damn Hollywood and its attractive jailbait!

  5. Anakin Skywalker, LMAO!!! Yes! I hated him and wanted to take Obi-wan's light saber and cut his ugly little head off. He's right up there with Karl from Walking Dead as world's most useless brat. I had to go into therapy after seeing these films. ;)

    Hit Girl and Hanna should do a movie together. we need more killer girls. Hell to the yeah for Katniss!

    1. I literally have no idea why Obi-Wan didn't kill the little bastard. Legitimately. After Qui-Gon was gone, might as well! Karl is a useless brat, though. I liked him better before he was trying to be all adult and shit.

      If we could get all these girls in a movie, my ovaries might explode. Katniss for the win!

  6. Great list. Love the inclusion of Hit Girl and Mitsuko from Battle Royale.

    1. Thanks! Hit Girl and Mitsuko are BAMFs. All there is to it.

    2. Great list!!

      I would add the Feral Kid, from The Road Warrior. He was pretty deadly with that boomerang of his :)

    3. Thanks! I have to get on the Road Warrior, I'm depressingly lacking in Mad Maxness. This needs to change immediately.

  7. LOL I love this list. Anakin is perfect, but Hanna is even better. ***New follower!***
    - Maurice Mitchell
    The Geek Twins
    Film Sketchr

    1. Thanks!! Yay, new follower! I'm glad you like the list! Anakin is a little shit, and Hanna rocks. Every time.


Every time you leave a comment, Chuck Norris sneezes and creates a new solar system.