Blogathon: The Movie Of My Life.

So I stumbled upon Wide Screen World's blogathon "The Movie Of My Life" a while ago. The general idea of the thing is you cast the people in your life with actors who have qualities similar to your homies. Which is good fun, but I realized jumping on this bandwagon would be the perfect way for me to let you peeps know about a little change in my life that's coming up which may alter what goes down on this blog ever so slightly. Fasten your seat belts, because the contents of reality may shift during this post. 

Here's a story. M., the tiny, white girl with a lust for all things action, can clearly only be played by one actor:

Who were you expecting, bitch?

"I Know Who You Are."

TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY (2011)

Image from buffalonews.com

Who is the mole? Was Control paranoid or on to something? Who has Irina? How can I get this popcorn bit out of my teeth? Tinker, Tailer, Soldier, Spy (2011) was a brilliantly crafted British mystery of epic proportions. But as the ticking clock of the case winds down and we all put our teletypes to sleep, the burning question remains. What is it about Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy that makes it such a damn good movie? To uncover the answer, we must first sift through the clues:

CLUE #1: The return of good old fashioned spies.

Svetlana Khodchenkova.

As everyone knows, I thoroughly enjoyed both versions of Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. But you've got to admit it, mysteries just aren't quite as fun as they used to be. What do I mean by that? Well...let's take a personal favorite of mine, Angel Heart (1987). The movie takes place in the 50s, a grand time when computers didn't exist and Mickey Rourke still looked pretty. He plays a detective who isn't afraid to do the leg work--he talks to people, he taps his contacts, and he goes to New Orleans and back again to solve his case. Now cut to 2011. You can google anything you want to know. Better yet, if you're a hacker like Lisbeth Salander, you can type some fancy green code into your computer and solve the case from the comfort of your own couch. The biggest obstacle she ever had to overcome in digging up information was how long it would take her to weed out the viruses Mikael uploads every time he clicks a popup that tells him he's their 100th viewer. There's just not enough privacy left in the world for there to be any sort of good mystery stories. So, sure, the movie moves a little slow, but it's quite literally a nice change of pace.

CLUE #2: The faces.

I don't think I have to tell anyone the most obvious draw of this movie--the star-studded cast. Sure, there were the big bold letter names that appeared on the posters, but it was all about the little guys too. We had hey, you, crazy old man and why the long face? kid and the other Truman Capote. Not to mention good ol' Tommy Boy and aren't you a Bond henchman yet you terrifying man? And then there were the woman, the brilliant could she be any more British? Burke and positively stunning Svetlana Russianrussianrussian. I don't know who this Svetlana chick is, but I will be the first to say I told you so when someone shoves her in a phone booth and transports her back to the 70s, because they could not have chosen a woman more perfect for the time period. The best part about each and every actor? They were all great. Every single player in this movie. Not only were they great, but they all kept in the tone of the movie. The casting was excellent, and they blending in with the scenery perfectly.

Image from clothesonfilm.com.

CLUE #3: The faceless.

As in any good spy movie, the majority of the movie was a seesaw between what the audience got to see and what the audience didn't get to see. However, they took it a step further with this one and had some characters that only existed because we were told that they existed (and occasionally saw someone grab their ass). This worked and didn't worked for me. Where it worked: I liked that Ann didn't have a face. Great. This movie is stuffed with good British homoerotic tension as it is, let's just go all the way and leave the wives out of it. Ann was a traumatic event in Smiley's life, let's leave her at that.

Where it didn't work: Polyakov. So...I understand that the major villain is the mysterious mole. But Polyakov was still...a pretty major player. Right? I mean, they repeated his name enough times throughout the script to build me up to the feeling of wanting a little something out of this man. Even if he is a sideshow to raise the stakes. But when you drag him through the movie and then throw his face in there at the end just because you can...it just throws me. I can't really figure out why he was in the movie at all. Might as well have called him Mr. Big Russian Plot Device and left it at that.

Bromance is in the air.

CLUE #4: I didn't get it.

I mean, that's really the top mark of a good British spy movie, right? If you don't get it the first time around? I swear, every time I get into one of these movies, I tell myself I'll get it. I watched every fucking detail in this movie. I was waiting for someone's head to get caught in the lift. Yet...when it came down to the whodunit, I just didn't get it. I did understand his motivations, and frankly I didn't entirely understand exactly what he did (read: what he did that the others didn't). This will all make zero sense if you haven't seen the movie, and probably if you have seen the movie. Still, despite the build up, despite everything the fact that every detail seemed extraordinarily deliberate, I was left with that "Hmm...interesting?" feeling. I trusted the writer on this one, and still he managed to pull the rug out from under my feet. Dammit. Now I'm going to have to see it again just to see if it makes any more sense the second go-around.

CLUE #5: Badasses got their due recognition.

There were four people that really made this movie for me. Tom Hardly, but he's almost an honorable mention by this point, isn't he? Not because he wasn't good--he was--but we expect him to rock on with his badass self, he can really do no wrong in anyone's eyes. Even if it means going ginger. But it was Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, and Mark Strong who really ran away with it for me. Why? Because we know they're all very good, but it's been a long time since we've seen them all this good, and on such a grand scale. Yes, yes, Colin Firth is just winding down from an Oscar, but even in The King's Speech (2010) he was playing...Colin Firth. As we know him and love him. That charming, fumbling, adorable British man. This movie? Not so much.

All the movie snobs know Gary Oldman is a badass, but...I still get the feeling that your average American audience member hasn't quite caught on, just because they can't recognize him from one movie to the other (you old chameleon, you). Well. This movie certainly set him on the map. Lastly, Mark Strong we know and love, but only as the stone cold fox of a villain who beats up little kids. I mean, unless you've seen Revolver (2005), but who watches existential British gangster films anymore (SEE IT, BITCHES). Here, he gets a character with emotional turmoil, with deep, human issues. And...well. He does it all in style. Only he could be simultaneously trailer trash scrubbing mud off his boots and the classiest man on the screen.

Being a BAMF.

Conclusion: Mark Strong is one classy motherfucker. Gary Oldman too.

CASE CLOSED.

Kicking Children And Taking Names.

KICK-ASS (2010) 

Image from www.filmofilia.com.

Meanwhile, the wind howls outside and rips through trees, Irene ragging and raging. Shackled down behind boarded up windows and doors, OUR HERO dismally awaits the power outage as the lights flicker on and off. Absent fingers wrap around the first movie from a pile of five, determined not to take any chances at boredom for the next couple days. She presses the shimmering disc into the player and makes herself at home on the couch in the dark as the screen hums to life. The music plays, the awkward monologues running, the characters shaking the dust of their shoulders and coming to life. And--

SHE BEGINS TO BELIEVE IN MOVIES AGAIN!

Such was my experience of belatedly finally getting around to Kick-Ass (2010). The thing about Kick-Ass (2010) is its the first movie I've seen in a while that actually knows its audience. If you're going to make a superhero movie, who likes superheros? Nerds. Great, throw in a nerd as the main character. And what do comic books have copious amounts of? Cartoon violence. Throw a shit ton of that in there. Who likes violence? The mafia. Great, give our villain roots in the mafia. And you're good to fucking go.

Granted, this movie got a hell of a lot of help from the fact that it was based of a comic book. Still, what I give this movie the most credit for was the fact that it didn't shy away from anything. We had 11-year old assassins, who literally had a thirst for blood. No toning that down. This isn't Spy Kids, after all (still love you, Rodriguez). Not only that, but the stakes are high. It plays with a comic book lightness, but there's heavy weights on each of these character's shoulders. As Nicolas Cage's character, the assassin father figure says, they've "turned it into a game". Behind the shiny costumes and the quick one-liners, we've got betrayal, death, vengeance. This could've turned into Boondock Saints (1999) if they weren't careful. On top of that all, these kids get into some serious fucking trouble. These aren't sandbox sports. They get threatened, tortured, and beaten to all hell. And yes. Mark Strong roundhouse kicks a 11 year old girl in the face and I suddenly love him even more. Whatever that says about me.

Aaron Johnson was an entirely believable scrawny little nerd boy. I've been there and done that, and he nailed it in ways Michael Cera and even that-kid-from-Zombieland (sorry, is everyone calling him that-kid-from-The-Social-Network these days? Tallahassee will beat your ass any day of the week), haven't been able to do. Still, he was probably one of my least favorite parts in the story, especially by time we got around to the second half. Don't get me wrong, he was a necessary vessel to carry the story, but I didn't really give much of a crap about his journey. Especially his half-assed romance. What, no tits? I don't think the movie particularly suffered because of it, but I could still have done without the little love story, refreshingly unconventional though it was.

As for the other actors, I could find fault with no one. Mark Strong was amazing, but he always is. Even if his British weaved in and out of his accent at the start, he nailed the role anyway, playing the perfect tough-guy take-no-prisoners gangster. Cool forehead scar and everything. I could literally watch that scene where he riles himself up enough to get back on the powder about a million times in a row (aka: "Mommy? I want a Kick-Ass party. Dumb little fucks."). And even though they only had one real scene together, his chemistry with Chloe Moretz was off the hook. But it might've just had something to do with the fact that they were the two most badass characters in the entire film, and the reel sizzled a little when it tried to fit them both in it.

Don't mess with Hit-Girl.

There is nothing I don't love about that little girl. She could handle her weapon, didn't shy away from the sight of blood, and had a daddy-sized chip on her shoulder. She has the same makings that most every other badass action hero has (from The Bride to El Mariachi), only she's an 11 year old girl, which just makes her that much more awesome. I regained my respect for Nicolas Cage as he played her weasely Sorter-esque hitman father. Nothing can really redeem him for making me pay money for Ghost Rider, but he's getting there. Lastly, Alex de Large made an appearance, I'm thinking he must've been hot on the scent of blood.

In short? I don't know why it took a damn hurricane to get me to see this movie. The characters were badass, the untamed violence was perfect, and the story was tight. Plus, with Mark Strong, Dexter Fletcher, and Jason Flemyng, I'm feeling a Guy Ritchie reunion coming on. Oh, and did I mention there's a fucking bazooka? Thank fuck for Irene.

BAMF Of The Week: Mark Strong

MARK STRONG

"If a slap don't work, you cut 'em or you pay 'em."

Mark Strong is one of the unsung chameleons of the acting world. If you don't know who he is, it's probably because you just didn't recognize him. He's been everything from Mr. Knightley in Emma (1996) to the nerdy, calculating hitman Sorter from Revolver (2005) (who Guy Ritchie constantly got a kick out of, as he remarked in the commentary, simply because he was so pleased with seeing Mark Strong in socks that stuck out from under his trousers). He's charismatic, terrifying, and completely imbibes every role he's in. Which is why it took me so fucking long to realize he's actually an amazing actor. Because never once did I think "Wow, Mark Strong was really good in Rocknrolla". I just thought, "Huh, Archy's a really badass dude". He's not one of those actors who you automatically think of as being as awesome actor because he just does it so damn naturally, you instantly get caught in the flow of his characters. 

I'll admit here that my admiration for Mark Strong could very possibly simply be another branch of my admiration for the BAMF Guy Ritchie. Who I love with all my wanna-be-British heart. After all, if Mark Strong is enough of a badass for Guy Ritchie to shove the man in three of his movies, there has to be something essentially fucking awesome about him, right? Right. But the thing is, I've seen him in other things, and he's been epic in every role and genre he takes on. Like I said. Fucking chameleon. 

Best Films: Revolver (2005), Rocknrolla (2008), Sherlock Holmes (2009). Guy Ritchie aside, let's be real, he was even a bamf in Stardust (2007).

Best Moment: Sorter's shootout in Revolver. Really. The movie should've just been called Sorter & Co. Or Archy's slap, it's really a toss up.

Best Quote: [When asked if he's going to try to scramble for that golden ticket Hollywood lead role] "I tend to read scripts and just take what I like. I have no plan...I wouldn't want to sit at home planning a campaign of how I'm gonna get an Oscar, I mean I'm not that kind of actor. I'm genuinely not interested in that kinda stuff. What I love is being on a film set with intelligent people, making movies."

Upcoming Films: He's going to be in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011). I'm there. 

Your Mind Will Not Accept This Movie.

REVOLVER (2005)

Image from beyondhollywood.com

What is it with me and British gangster films? Nonetheless, you can't talk about British gangsters and not mention Guy. Guy Ritchie delivers a tour de force with an intellectual gangster film that's definitely one of a kind. We have guns, sharp wit, and Jewish mysticism. Seriously. Only Guy Ritchie could pull this off. That said, if you are just dipping your toes into the glory that is Guy Ritchie, I would not recommend you start with this movie. Definitely start with his earlier stuff, Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch seem to be the general consensus for "Guy Ritchie classics". On the other hand, if you're as much of a Guy Ritchie junkie as I am, this should definitely be on your to-see list. 

I know I'm going on a limb with this statement since Revolver is one of the least widely accepted Guy movies, but it's one of my favorites. And I will tell you why. The pseudo intellectual mumbojumbo. Yes, I understand, this is a big turn off for most folks. When they want an action movie, they want an action movie. When they want a documentary on cons, chess, and Judaism, they want a documentary on cons, chess, and Judaism. The thing is, I always want action. So to me, it's more like a great motherfucking movie, with the added bonus of blowing my mind. No one complained when Memento pulled the old amnesia schtick. What's wrong with a macho movie that requires a bit of thoughts to understand it?

There's a reason chess games are cliché. Because they're awesome.

Alright. So maybe I'm not giving you adequate warning. I will say this: as much as I did love a good bit of mind fuck, it took me about three views to actually understand the plot. Since there, I've seen it more than a couple times, and I still trip up on bits and pieces. Even during the commentary, there are parts when Guy Ritchie pauses then goes, "To fully understand this movie, you have to know stuff that I can't talk about on this commentary because it would take too long to explain." But when you get over the religious hump, this comes down to a story about ego and humanity. I like to think of this as the "real" version of all Guy Ritchie's other movies. He strips away the cartoon remorseless killers and makes them turn around and come face to face with their own greed. It's sort of the Requiem For A Dream of gangster films.

BUT. If you hang up your brain and give yourself over to the brilliance that is Revolver, I don't think you'll be disappointed. The characters in this movie are positively badass. Jake Green, played by one of Ritchie's favorites Jason Statham, is a recently released con man. And he's made it his mission to get a little pay back and sink his nemesis, the rich and famous Macha (the fanfuckingtastic Ray Liotta), deep in debt. However, his plans get thwarted thanks to a rare blood disease and a couple of hard hitting loan sharks (Andre Benjamin--who'da thought he could act?--and Vincent Pastore).

Do not mess with a geek with a gun.

Jason Statham for one plays a refreshing character for him. Sure, he's a cold sonofabitch, but he's not that pure testosterone meathead of a man. Instead, he plays a character with a soul, a character who has to go through some extremely strenuous self evaluation. It's the best acting I've seen from Statham yet, I was legitimately impressed. Ray Liotta is also...well. He's Ray Liotta. He's extraordinarily badass. I've yet to see him in a role where he didn't blow me away. And this is no exception. Until I saw Goodfellas, I thought this was his best role. Now I realize it's his second best. But that's still saying a lot. His performance is chilling. But then again, there's nothing scarier than watching a top dog mobster crumble under his own towering ego. The best I saved for last. Jason Statham, awesome, Ray Liotta, awesome...but the one who really sold this movie for me was Mark Strong. Strong plays Sorter, a one of a kind OCD nerdy hit man. There...is very little I can say about Sorter. Except for the fact that he wears pants just short enough to show his socks, and yet he can still drill a hole in a wall, stick a gun with it, and kill anyone on the other end with a single shot. He's a BAMF. End of story. 

One last note on this movie. DO NOT watch the American version. The American version of most things are shit, but for this movie in particularly. I picked it up just to have the commentary and the movie itself literally makes no sense. They cut out major plot twists, save characters who have EPIC deaths, and lose the entire ending. Yeah. It's awful. If you have suffered the American version, I'm sorry. You can probably download the British version floating around somewhere online or just do the Amazon thing.

And so, all you Guy Ritchie fanatics, go out and check this one out. And shine on, you crazy diamonds.