BAMF Of The Week: M.

M. (JUDI DENCH)

"To Hell with dignity! I'll retire when my goddamn job is finally done."

If we know James Bond films for nothing else, we know them for the Bond girls. The sleek, sexy little pieces of eyecandy with stripper names. Yet so often, we fail to recognize the Bond girl among Bond girls: M. Sure, maybe one day I'll do a BAMF Of The Week for all M.s, but Judi Dench's M. has a special place in the car battery strapped to my ribcage. She's hard-edge and, above all, gets the job done. Whatever it takes. Even if that means having her own agents go through with some rather questionable tasks. She's a cold, hard bitch is there ever was one, but even passed her stoney exterior, we get constant glimpses of something more to her. Hints that she's a mother, that she was once a woman who fell in love with a poet. Little things like that only add to the awesomeness that is her character and make her even more impressive for never, ever folding under pressure. 

And, of course, there is her incredible relationship with Bond. While at times they may be at each other's throats, you get the impression (especially with the Craig series) that she's one of the few people who knows the Bond behind his martinis and charming smile. They share a trust if only because they both distrust everyone else--like soldiers caught behind enemies lines. And at the end of the day--no matter how much of a brat Bond can be and no matter how much of an ice queen M. can be, they have each other's backs. In one way or other. Even if that means M. trusts Bond enough to let him dig himself out of his own bloody grave.

Best films: Casino Royale (2006) and Skyfall (2012), without a doubt. Judi Dench's M. and Daniel Craig's Bond have a brilliant relationship. At times weirdly maternal (Archer style), at times masochistic, they always manage to bring out the best and worst of each other. And I physically cannot get enough of it. 

Worst films: Did I like Judi Dench with Pierce Brosnan? Sure. He introduced her into this world, I'm glad she's stuck around for so long. However, I got the feeling they were really holding her on a tight leash in the Brosnan days. Her character had so much potential and instead of letting her fly, they kept her to the sidelines looking like a grandmother bull-dyke. 

Best quotes: "I love keeping naughty boys in order."

Fun fact: Her ringtone is the James Bond theme song. Also, she's the reason my first name has been shortened to "M." Not that I'm a fangirl or anything. Er.

And Then A Wild Aston Martin Appears!

SKYFALL (2012)

Obligatory bare-Craig-chest image.

Ever since Pierce Brosnan, we've become accustomed to a bigger, faster, explodier Bond. Each new movie had new gadgets, new gear, new nonsense. We propelled Bond into the future with invisible cars, cheap smiles, and all the luxuries of modern cinema. And we drank the punch. We expected Bond to get increasingly more hip and in-tune with our culturally relevant standards. We were waiting for Bond to switch out Q. for Google and start sexting his Bond girls.

And then Sam Mendes said, "Well. Fuck that."

Skyfall reminds us exactly why we loved the Bond films in the first place. If nothing else, it's a very loving homage to the Bond of the good old days. Bond is no longer clowned up and jumping around like a kangaroo on cocaine; he's a genuine spy. Yes, he's still the bold, brash bastard we all know and love, but he's a little more in control of the situation. Of course, the genius of this movie is that, for most of the movie, we get Bond completely out of his element. He spends the first half of the movie a battered, alcoholic mess with a very, very bruised ego. After twenty-three movies of a perfect shot, there's something extraordinarily satisfying about watching Bond miss his target. So not only do we have a highly competent organization set out to trip up Her Majesty's Secret Service, but we also have a damaged Bond struggling to keep up. I mean, why didn't anyone think of this before?

I think I've said all I can through my teeth. The twists in this movie are so epic that I would have to throw myself onto a Hattori Hanzo sword if I thought I spoiled this movie for anyone (even though, if you're a rabid Bond fan, you can see most of them coming ahead of time, it STILL doesn't change the fact that the "big reveals" are massively satisfying). That said, the spoiler portion of my review is under the cut! Otherwise, just see it, yeah? Or I will judge you. JUDGE.

Fasten Your Bib And Your Seatbelt

TRAILERS

Excited hamster plotting hands.

It's been a while since I've foamed at the mouth over trailers, so I think it's about time that shit happened again. There are quite a few really, really fucking epic movies coming out and I've got to pay tribute to them. In no particular order...

SKYFALL (2012)

November 9th

This. THIS. New James Bond trailer. And I just...I can't handle it. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for this new installment of Craig's Bond. Did we love Casino Royale? Yes, yes, we did. But I am so ready for that whole little Vesper saga to be over. And now it is. Skyfall FEELS like a Bond movie. It feels like we're return to our roots--we've got Q., we've got lots of Bond girls, we've got snarky comebacks and barbed wit.

BULLET IN THE FACE (2012)

August 16th & 17th on IFC

Here's the thing. I have always loved Eddie Izzard. I loved him when he was in drag doing standup. I loved him in the show The Riches, cut short before it's time. I even sat through All The Queen's Men for him. So now that he's going to be in a bloodthirsty, shameless miniseries alongside Eric Roberts? I'm there. I'm so there.

THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS (2012)

November 2nd

It's going to be very, very hard for this movie to disappoint me. It looks visually stunning, exceptionally violent, and it's going to have a very badass soundtrack a la RZA. Tarantino endorses it, so I've got a lot of faith in it. And I'm pleasantly surprised that Russell Crowe signed on for his one--finally, Russell Crowe as something other than the tragic hero!

TAKEN 2 (2012)

October 3rd

So I saw the first Taken and highly enjoyed it. Was it my favorite movie? No, not particularly. But it was a solid, well-done movie, and I had fun. But that's not why I'm ridiculously fucking excited about this movie. I'm ridiculously fucking excited about this movie because Liam Neeson is becoming a full-fledged action hero. The man is 60 years old and he's reinventing himself as a badass fucking action hero. Sure, he's done an action movie here and there, but Bryan Mills could very well be his Jason Bourne or John McClane. I love Liam Neeson more than anything and if he keeps churning out movies like these, I'm going to have to get out my chisel and carve him into my Mt. Rushmore of action heroes. 

JACK REACHER (2012)

December 21st

What? Wait. I'm confused. What's happening? Who am I? Where am I?

....Can I watch this trailer again just to hear that car growl? 

FAST AND FURIOUS 6 (2013)

???

This bit of Fast And Furious love came directly from a fellow BAMF, Melissa at Movie411. I'm not going to even try to reiterate how epic this is, because she did a good job of it. However. The rumors so far claim that both Michelle Rodriguez and Gina Carano are in this one. I think I had a dream the other night that went something like this...

BOND IS BACK!

Rejoice and be merry! Shit just got real. I'm so excited, I have no words. None. Just watch, enjoy, and repeat until November. 

Bond 23: SKYFALL

SKYFALL (2012)

Bond 23, we've got a name...Skyfall!  Alright, maybe not the most clever name they've ever come up with, but hey. I'm just about flailing with excitement anyway. Skyfall has no direct connection to Craig's first two movies (no need to beat a dead horse), and it's not based on any Flemming novel (we've run out of material there anyway). Javier Bardem is cast as our villain, Albert Finney is an intelligance officer, and Naomie Harris plays a stunning field agent. Bérénice Marlohe is giving the title of Bond Girl a little French flair. The ever-loved familiar faces of Ralph Fiennes and Helen McCrory are also cast, though the details of their roles haven't yet been leaked. When asked about the various "unnamed" roles, Director Sam Mendes said: "[Bond fans] might recognize them...on the other hand, they might not." Q. and Moneypenny yes please and thank you?? And, of course, the lovely Judi Dench and Daniel Craig are still in the game. Now excuse me while I go hyperventilate with excitement.